Love + Dating
Published on February 20, 2017
Comments 19

Episode 1. Cardinal rule: broken

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I’m an online dating Queen. I have no shame in saying that, and have been having a great time since 2010. It’s the perfect way to mend a broken heart/find romance/explore taboos/have fun/find love/make new friends/get laid/connect/learn. I’m a strong advocate of it for women, especially anyone approaching 50 or over who’s sitting at home alone, wondering where all the good dates are. Don’t go to waste: tuck yourself up in bed with your pjs, grab your laptop, and start cruising. Don’t get me wrong; I love being single too, and certainly living by myself… But a little bit of attention and interaction from someone cute never goes astray does it?

Street graffiti in Melbourne celebrating living alone #over50 #livingsolo @boneAndsilver

Street graffiti in Melbourne celebrating living alone #over50 #livingsolo @boneAndsilver

I reckon I’ve got online dating down to a fine art after all these years, and within 10 minutes of talking to someone in real life who’s saying they would like to try it, I can tell which website they should be using. That’s because I’ve tried them all, and am familiar with who else is using which ones, and thus what types of people you are more likely to find where.

Charge a fee? When I lived in Adelaide a few years ago, I used to joke that I should charge a fee for my services, so many times did I encourage women to open a profile. I even coached people I didn’t know over the phone a couple of times, whose friends had passed them my number. I love it! Of course it’s not for everyone, but it’s certainly an effective avenue for exploring who’s out there from the comfort and safety of your own home. Much more pro-active than sitting on the couch feeling sad and lonely, assuming that your romantic life has passed you by.

Essential advice? If I had to distill 7 years of experience down to one paragraph (for which I should probably charge, or make into a TED talk), I’d say this:

  • Be clear and honest about what you want (there’s a big difference between seeking a marriage partner or a kinky sex playmate for example). It is also totally appropriate to admit you don’t know what you want; just be clear about that.
  • Be polite (I always say ‘Thanks but no thanks’, unless you’re a rude idiot, and then I won’t hesitate to Delete, Block or Report)
  • Exchange emails for a couple of weeks before giving out phone numbers or meeting
  • Meet in a public place like a café
  • Most importantly, whatever it is you seek, REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE THE PRIZE AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN THEY MUST CLIMB

So I’ve online chatted with men, women, married men, married women, bisexual people, older or younger people, a priest, several psychologists, various artists, a plumber, a headmaster, someone stuck in bed with chronic fatigue, a professional hugger, travel agents, a human rights activist, a few lawyers, a dog groomer and ex-professional golfer, a political speech writer, plus a multitude of office workers and small business owners. It’s been so fun! But I developed high standards about who I will actually meet face to face, depending on my needs, as my time is precious, and I enjoy being discerning; for me, that winnowing out of the chaff from the good stuff is part of the pleasure process, like the cyber equivalent of the thrill of the chase.

I’ve evolved a set of protocols I guess, which work really well for me, as I’ve learnt the hard way about too much online emailing and then the disappointment of reality, or the power of projection, or the time-wasters etc etc. And in those protocols or rules, I’d have two sculpted in golden capital letters, one of which I’ve shared already, but which is so essential that I’ll paste it again:

  • REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE THE PRIZE AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN THEY MUST CLIMB (i.e. don’t sell yourself to someone; be sure of your value, and the worth of what you’re offering, whatever that is)

And secondly:

  • DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, OR EVEN JUST INTERSTATE/ACROSS YOUR OWN COUNTRY

Right. That’s pretty clear obvious clear.

Native Australian flowers in a tiny glass bottle #onlinedating #over50

Native Australian flowers in a tiny glass bottle #onlinedating #over50 @boneAndsilver

So what have I gone and done?

After almost seven years of hugely fun, successful, illuminating online dating (on and off, using 2 or 3 fav websites [hello OKC]), I got involved with someone living in a different state… 1,636kms away to be precise… in Melbourne, Victoria.

*Sigh

But not just ‘involved’…

*Deeper sigh, and insert eye roll Emoji

More like… ‘falling in love’ involved… *insert cute pulsing red heart

I didn’t mean for it to happen.

I don’t really know how it happened.

Yet on the other hand, it couldn’t have happened any other way…

[To Be Continued]

 

19 Comments

  2. mindfulofchatter says

    It never fails. Any ‘Do NOT do xyz – ever’ becomes exactly what you end up doing. *L* Best of luck for the USA

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  3. Leanne says

    Love it GG!!!
    I vaguely remember being the one to suggest that you start on line dating ? Love & miss you 👍🏼😃👏🏼😃👍🏼😃👏🏼

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  6. Pingback: Episode 2: ‘Yes Lets’ | bone&silver

  7. L. Rorschach says

    Golden rules! Love them. I especially love the rule about exchanging messages for a couple weeks first. I had previously thought it was best to meet ASAP, but I think waiting is even better for weeding out the duds inn order to further assess compatibility and reliability. Good advice.

    You’ve got so much more experience than I do – I obviously have a lot to learn!

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  8. Pingback: Episode 7: Press ‘Pause’ | bone&silver

  9. brilliantviewpoint says

    This was great, happy for you… but you didn’t tell us “which” sites you think are good for dating and why. 😦 You have a good sense of humor, I think you could write a dating manual. :). Will enjoy reading “WHY” this person stood out from the rest, who spoke to who first, and HOW you decided long distance was “OK.” On to new adventures, right! Sounds like your friend is Australian! They have a good sense of humor.

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    • bone&silver says

      I love OkCupid- used it for years- but we actually met on Pink Sofa, which I’d just joined, hated, & couldn’t wait to leave as soon as my 3 month subscription was up!

      I’m so happy you’re enjoying the blog… I’ve really put effort in for the last 6 months in particular. Welcome 😊👍🏼

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    • bone&silver says

      Thank you so much Carla; the Episodes are kind of like a soap opera… good with a cup of tea : ) I hope you enjoy just dipping in and out as it suits you : ) G

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