Month: April 2017

“Conflict is essential for emotional growth & development…”

I’m in a new relationship, and loving it. The ‘honeymoon phase’ of those first 3-6 months is in full swing, and utterly delicious. We all get addicted to that sweet rush of heady bliss, when neither of you can do any wrong, and the future rolls out rosy and calm before you… Until the first fight. Until that first shock of cold water on your love fire, sending the perfect daydream up in clouds of stinky steam. Ugh. We all hate it. We all dread it. We are all loathe to see the ‘other side’ of our Beloved: the one where they criticize or reject us; perhaps sulk or avoid; complain loudly or even yell about our suddenly-glaring faults. Ugh. I’m currently doing a 6-week course in Attachment patterns, common triggered behaviours, and security strategies for healthy relationship outcomes. One of the first things our teacher Anne said was this: ‘Conflict is essential for emotional growth and development; it’s how we manage it that matters.’ I felt like I let out my held breath. I …

Walking with teenage son…

… along our favourite sunset beach, talking. Somehow I lose the thread of the conversation (maybe it was yet another rave about surfing?), and tune out a bit. He suddenly says ‘Mum, what are you doing?’. I answer ‘Sorry Sweetie, I didn’t understand what you meant, so I started daydreaming…’ He replies, with that knowing sigh only teenagers can truly master: ‘Well, you’re not going to understand by not listening are you?’

Attachment Theory

Originally posted on Back in Stilettos Again:
More self-discovery talk ahead, this time with a psychology angle….. A few weeks ago, fellow blogger Bone & Silver highly recommended a book called Attached about adult attachment science. I finally purchased the book and received it in the mail on Wednesday. For various reasons, Piano Guy and I had to?reschedule Wednesday?night’s date. Suddenly without plans, I took it as an opportunity to read a large chunk of the book I’d just received in the mail. I’ve read some of it most days since then and am almost finished with it. Holy shit. Talk about enlightening! This was a revelation: You are only needy when your needs aren’t being fulfilled Why didn’t I realize this on my own?! It makes complete sense. Whenever I’ve felt needy, I’ve berated myself for my needs and have tried to minimize them. You all may remember my post last December about Hayden’s perceived slight shift in behavior where I spiraled into hysteria as a result. I even admitted that I was “most…

Episode 7: Press ‘Pause’

Before we go any further, are you up to date? Did you read Episode 6? Or do you need to start at Episode 1? Are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin. The ‘Like at First Sight’ date meeting: tick. The two hour Japanese lunch across the road that neither of us wanted to end: tick. The wandering around groovy film art exhibition, wondering if/when/who/how the first kiss: tick. The vintage clothes shopping (but each of us too shy to actually try stuff on): tick. The second-hand grimy bookshop browsing down a hardly-used art deco mall, wondering if/when/who/how the first kiss: tick. Press ‘Pause’. Now one of my readers asked me why I didn’t write ‘Love at First Sight’ in the last post Episode 6 HERE? Because it’s a cliché? Because I’m a sensible grown up 50 year old woman? Because it seems too soon? Because it can’t possibly be true? I’d say I’m a fairly loving, affectionate person; my son ‘almost17’ and I use the farewell phrase “Love you” most days for example, and at night before …

Soggy not Bloggy 

It’s been hard being flooded. Not as hard as for folk in the 2 big towns either side of me, who have been devastated by rivers more than 11 meters over their banks. But still very stressful. Not as stressful as being bombed in the streets of Syria of course, but still pretty shit. It came up so fast. Rainfalls of between 500 & 950mm in 24hrs. An entire month’s rainfall in one dreadful night, thanks to Cyclone Debbie. I’ve had a delightful & significant blog post about Episode 7 in my online dating story drafted for days, but it felt too superficial to post it, when so many of my dear friends, neighbours, & community have been coping with up to 2.5mtrs of brown smelly muddy shitty river water through their homes. People have died, including a mother and her children. Houses have literally been swept away downstream. Business stock has been ruined, and flood insurance is incredibly expensive round here, so not many people have it; there are rumours it’s going to be …