Love is Love, and ‘We’re here, we’re Queer, get used to it!’ #rainbow #queer #lgbt #over50 #onlinedating #romance #australia #love
Last night I went out for dinner with 9 creative and vibrant women aged 40-50. There was much talk of art, young children, partners, teenagers, social media, Feminism, sex, hair colour, food, fitness etc; I hope you can picture it.
I arrived late, and ended up sitting at one head of the table, between two women I didn’t know, P & S. Slowly our conversations delved deeper, like cats burrowing under the quilt in winter. Do you reveal yourself easily, like P, red-stained teeth, bolstered by her 3rd glass of wine? Or with deliberate care like a tightrope walker, which S actually used to be in her 20s? I’m probably a mix of the two (always without the wine though), and as we chatted about kids and dads, relationships and dating, I said something about ‘…my current tomboy girlfriend in Melbourne’.
I noticed the split second of surprise and/or understanding flash across their faces, then we continued talking. P admitted she was currently dating 2 men at once. ‘Go girl!’ I said. S agreed; no disapproval or shaming here thanks. S told a sweet story about her husband, then juiced it up with tales of her various love affairs with women and men in Europe when younger.
I was struck by the ease with which we traversed so many different behaviours and presentations: travel/parenting/work/sex & romance/committed loving… there was both a fluidity and flow that delighted me. I know some love the stability of long-term marriages, the comfort of religious faith, the predictability of the same career path, or clear identity labels. Others need to explore and weave changes; surely we have evolved successfully by valuing both these states in our cavemen cavewomen cavepersons’ tribes?
Online dating has brought me so much adventure and thereby self-knowledge. I don’t care if you’re 20 or 75: there’s someone out there who wants to meet you. As I wrote HERE in Episode 1 (including my fabulous tips), I’m a Queen of it, and proudly so.
It must therefore be time for my romance update hey? Well, we just passed the official ‘8 months’ marker since that inaugural online ‘Hi’ during my 3-month/$30 trial subscription.
Softly looming is the actual, physical, 3D-satisfying reality-based ‘6 months’ flag.
And it’s a rainbow flag, layered with glitter, sequins, type-written words and handmade comics. Yes, it’s Pride month in June, and I want to honour that old saying ‘I’m not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is’.
H’s hand drawn bespoke sign celebrates being unique, queer, and in love in Australia #handmade #over 50 #lgbt #Pride #authentic @boneAndsilver
Some of us humans like labels, and some of us don’t. Sometimes we need them, and sometimes we don’t. I want to decide how I define myself, and when; what you think of me is none of my business. And now that I’m passing through the tumultuous year of turning 50 (my coming birthday is late July- don’t worry, I’ll remind you- there’ll be plenty of opportunities for gift giving), I’m relishing my absolute, hard-earned freedom to just Be Myself.
And 1600kms away, H loves that.
In gratitude for freedom of expression, G xO
bone&silver 
The gnarly question of identity and the right to choose one’s own, raises it’s head ad nauseum. The thing about being old is that you have the time and courage to examine what it means to be ‘you’. Or this has been the case for me. Just as feminists have reclaimed negative stereotypes for women, e.g. Trump’s ‘nasty women’ comment about Hilary Clinton was discussed at a recent Sydney Writers festival panel discussion, so too am I claiming the right to define the term ‘old’ and change the negative stereotype it has laboured under. My point is, however we choose to define ourselves, or live our lives is ultimately up to us. The question is, when will we as a society learn tolerance? When can younger people explore their own self expression without fear of judgement? We all benefit from diversity in the long run.
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Absolutely agree! Thank you so much for dropping by, engaging, and commenting. I value your wisdom and contribution greatly. Celebration of diversity is where it’s at, as far as I’m concerned, including of the older, the younger, and the inbetweeners… G
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I’m feeling this myself. I really feel like I’m making progress about not caring what other people think of me. I also turn 50 in August. Fifty, fab and free to be… That sounds good 😉
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I think it’s the bonus prize for going through menopause, and admitting the growing sense of human frailty which arrives! 50 has been a doozy of a year… but I defintely feel like I’m coming out the other side of it HURRAY : )
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I agree 100%!! ❤
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I like the expression like cats burrowing under a quilt. I’m the kind of person who is very, very careful about what kind of impression I give. I suppose I’m more like the feral cat that takes a long time to get close.
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Ooh that’s a nice image too 😃
I’m good with cats: patient & kind. Impressions do matter of course… as long as you’re not censoring some of your essential energy, in my opinion. Thanks for commenting 😊
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I absolutely love everything about this post! Thank you!
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Well that makes me feel very happy! Thank you so much for reading, & letting me know 😊🙏🏼
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It was special! I relate a lot to the labeling part. I never felt the need for a label but it’s forced upon me. I hate labels! 😘😘😘
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The hand-drawn love note and the Skype date made me smile. So sweet! ❤
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Thanks L; yes, it’s pretty sweet 😊
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I pictured this scene and enjoyed the vision of happy laughter and banter between 3 strong women. Do you reveal yourself easily? my answer would have been no pre-menopause for fear of rejection and judgement. As my 51 year old self the answer is very different. I am who I am…….the personal opinions of others have little impact on me these days. I love your attitude and determination to be YOU. Have a great weekend.
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Thanks a lot! Yes, it’s kinda strange isn’t it: I would have agreed pre-49 I was way more cautious of revealing myself (for a number of reasons including fear of rejection)… now I almost don’t give a f**k! Thanks so much for commenting, & you have a great feisty weekend too 😃💪🏼
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I just love this and this brought a big smile to my face as if I was there with you feisty ladies relating to every bit of it.
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Fantastic! So good for our souls, ‘sista time’ like that hey? Glad we made you smile 😘
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You always do my friend 😉
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What a beautiful post. Your writing style and your storytelling complement each other perfectly and I loved every word! I understand your lack of interest in labels… I’ve been learning lately that so many of the rules we bend to exist only in our minds, and I’ve decided not to care so damn much about them anymore. It’s liberating and wonderful. 😊 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I can’t wait to read more!
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Thanks Faith! It’s so lovely to get a comment like this from a new reader- very encouraging 😍. I personally love this post too, for a number of reasons, & articulating my lack of need for labels indeed was liberating; I noticed I felt very free & light the next day. Everyone has their own path though don’t they 🙏🏼😊
Thank you for commenting, & I hope my writing continues to engage you (I think the ones about my teenage son are hilarious 😘). Have a great day, cheers from Australia, gabrielle xo
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I lost my dad in November. A few weeks later, my eldest girl came out to me. She’d met this girl online and now they were dating. I have to tell you, I’ve never been so happy for anyone in my life. They’re gorgeous together. A few weeks ago she went to a Pride March for the first time and are on holiday, as I write. I mentioned my dad because your name, the drawn bone&silver (love it,btw), it looks like something he’d have written. It struck me right away. Dad was an artist, as I am, but Dad’s writing was so distinctive. I just needed to say. X
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Wow, thank you so much for commenting- that just brought tears to my eyes (& it’s not even 7am here in Australia!) I’m so touched you like that hand drawn sign: H did it for me (she’s a very talented graphic artist & comic maker), so I’ve shared your comment with her too- she’s honoured 😊
I’m hoping to share more of her artwork as I go along this blog path, so I hope you enjoy them. Have a lovely day, and congrats on your awesome reaction to your girl’s coming out, that’s the best! Love is Love is Love hey? Gabrielle x 🌈❤
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Exactly! I’m a graphic artist too! So weird. I’ve posted some of my work on here too but I’d love to see more of her work. My dad was a ceramicist and a painter whereas I’m more of an illustrator. My brother’s been in W.A. for over 20 years. You’re an Aussie by birth? X my name’s Allane btw.
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Hi Allane 😃
I was born in France actually, but moved to Australia 30 years ago when I was 20… time flies! I love W.A. although only been there twice. Have you read much Tim Winton? An incredible writer from that part of the world- Dirt Music, Breathe, great books. Please comment whenever I use any of H’s drawings, I’d love your informed opinion. Isn’t it amazing who we can meet on WordPress? 😊❤
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Well, you and I are around the same age too. I’ve met a few artists who don’t make a living at it. I’d be pleased to see H’s work – I’m not a critic though. I’ve never been to Australia either.
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