Love + Dating
Published on April 1, 2018
Comments 37

Who’s carrying that light at the end of this tunnel? Seems like it’s Me

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Following the healthy signs after a relationship break up

Life just keeps moving doesn’t it? #breakups #love #over50 #healing #angelcards #gratitude

‘How are you going after the break up, G?’ I’ve had that question asked many times, both in real life, and in my beloved WordPress World, so here’s the answer.

After spending over a month mourning in a hard nest lined with blankets of sadness, crying, not really eating, cancelling outside plans, and wearing a mask for the times I had to go to work, I’m now coming out again into the sunshine.

I can see a fun future, a deep future, a new future. This is good, and welcome.

While this romance was in no way a long one- we shared only 18 months, and no children, homes, or other family binds- it still hurt like Hell; I’m so glad I could reach out for support and care.

My Top Three tips for surviving a break up are now these:

  1. Feel your feelings– cry, wail, grind your teeth with the unfairness of it, scrawl your loss in a journal, bawl at the missing of your beloved, and just surrender to the pain.
  2. Seek comfort– therapy or counselling, caring massages, scented baths, understanding friends, nurturing food, beach walks, fun movies.
  3. Let Time pass and do its thing– ignoring your distress, and rushing into a new relationship, or other busy distractions, will ultimately delay your thorough healing.

On a practical level, I also put away all the artworks/trinkets/cards/photos etc, smudged the house and car, danced my way through several ‘Letting go’ soundtracks, and posted final significant items back to the owner. That definitely helped.

So now I feel kinda empty, but in a good way. A clear way. A way that says ‘I have suffered, and lost, but I truly believe it’s for the greater good, plus my greater happiness.’

Following the healthy signs after a relationship break up

And I couldn’t believe it when I pulled this card!

I’ve just gone back to the ‘One Year Anniversary reveal’ post and removed our photos; that made me feel sad again, but I want to complete this episode with as much honour as possible, and respect for privacy. So be it.

My son ’17’ has returned from his Dad’s- “It just felt like you needed to be alone and sad for a while Mum”- so I’m back [happily] wondering about what to cook for dinner, and when is he ever going to wipe up? I can’t believe how lucky I am that I can claim the emotional space to process big events like a break up, and that I’m not surrounded by 3 other kids and a full time job… blessed indeed.

Wishing you all a wonderful Easter break, spending time with your loved ones, and hopefully out in Nature, appreciating our wonderful world.

In gratitude for a tender, healing heart, and the blogging community who are helping me get there, love G xO 

 

 

37 Comments

  3. Donnalee says

    Oh, I hadn’t known. I’m sorry to hear of it, and glad you’re doing better. I think that 18 months is a long time in its way, and am glad you are treating it, and yourself, with respect and compassion.

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  5. S_MW says

    Thinking back to my own heartbreaks, I handled them in the way you did, almost exactly – and glad I did. My girl immediately got rid of all messages but hid photos etc. Everyone grieves differently. I’ve never rebounded, found someone new, because it wouldn’t be fair to them or me. I feel for you so much sweetheart, but you’re getting through this with dignity and maturity. It’s the best way. ❤ to you x

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks honey- yes, it feels right to really honour what was, and settle with it, before getting clear for what is [hopefully] coming… I agree we all do it differently, and in the past I have rushed out to new pastures as a way of mending, but I think it just puts off the inner work that has to be done. I don’t want to waste the lessons of this relationship experience, as they were huge… love back to you, and your girl xx

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  6. Dewy says

    Sorry to hear. I didn’t realise as I only read what reader shows. It doesn’t matter if it’s long distance or not. It’s how deep a connection you feel with that person.
    Glad you’re feeling more like yourself again. Your son sounds gorgeous.

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  7. Matt Berger says

    It helped that your split was relatively amicable and mutual. Still, loss is loss, pain is pain, and the only we ever get past them is actually to *feel* it. Kinda like when you are getting sick and knowing the only way to feel better is to get sick.

    Which begs the question of whether “relationship-end-pain antibodies” exist…wouldn’t that be a hoot.

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  9. spicejac says

    I think it’s really important to slow down and allow your grief the time you need to heal. I’ve seen too many friends try and rush through it, when they needed to slow down and acknowledge the hurt and loss. Your top three tips are both helpful and healing. Take care

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  10. gigglingfattie says

    I’m glad you are working through the pain and finding some light in there as well, G! 💛💛

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  12. Diana says

    Time, the soothing salve. Yes the ego does take a battering, but that is what WP is for… to ease the transition from “feeling sad” to “I’m a hot tamale” … with a myriad of international folk reading you and replacing the emptiness with warmth from afar.
    Hang in there beautiful … you are mid life, still getting started on the journey that leads to your tomorrow ❤

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  13. Unleashing the Cougar says

    Length of time doesn’t matter, it’s the quality of the connection and the feelings that matters. Loss is loss and hurt is hurt. I’m glad you see a bright future now, but it might slip at times, because you’re only human and that’s what we do.

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    • bone&silver says

      God yes, that’s all so true Cougs… I rode a few waves yesterday, from excitement to sadness, sometimes in 15 minute periods : /
      Thanks for your support honey x

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  14. Jad says

    Thanks for the update and sharing your tips…. it’s never easy but I always think people come into our life for a reason no matter how long or short they’re there for…. I’m glad you had your special time with each other but also glad that you both recognised it was time to move on. To often people stay in relationships that has gone beyond its use by date

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks darlin’- yes, I have a big sad one of those right now, although it is definitely easing now, thank goodness. I so appreciate your comment and supportive understanding ❤ x

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  17. Nina says

    I’m reading back and just realized you had a break up. I’m so sorry. It seems like (I’ve read the more recently posts) you’re doing better now. Never fun, BUT breakups give us a chance to reconnect with ourselves in a special way.

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