Over 40? Noticing you have less energy than you used to? After almost 6 years of detailed observation and study, here are this Mum’s Top Ten Tips for returning to the boundless power of your youth:
- If you open a drawer or cupboard door, don’t close it; imagine how much effort you’re saving.
- If you can’t find something, DO NOT search for it; call out loudly for its whereabouts, and miraculously someone else will know exactly where it is.
- When you take the lid off the toothpaste, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE replace it.
- Minimize all cleaning/tidying/sorting activities as soon as possible- it’s best to urgently install a house keeper and butler to ease those daily needs (see #1, #2, & #3 above).
- Maintain an intense focus for hours on surfing clips, music videos, and occasional computer games, but REFRAIN from studying too much, it’s bad for your eyes.
- Practice the ability to party all night in 4 separate locations, then sleep half the day [*see Footnote 1 below].
- Maintain an unrealistic view of all financial activities which involve parental loans and repayment agreements.
- Manage an extensive social circle comprising of every teenager and leisure event within a 50km radius, but “forget” to tell significant family members what time you will actually be home.
- Ensure continuous uptake of fluid and food stuffs, including muesli and/or toast at maximum two-hourly intervals.
- Use your inherent capacity for innovation and rebellion to continually improve the smallest of tasks, which all add up to preserving your finite power stocks (Exhibit A below):
[*Footnote 1: I still miss this a lot]
In gratitude for teenagers showing us the error of our ways, even when it comes to practical ideas for dirty-dish stacking, G xO