Wellbeing
Published on May 4, 2018
Comments 71

‘What are YOU going to do Mum?’

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An empty dish is a sign of a good meal

Nothing like a good dinner to feed a teenager #food #australia #lifewithateenager #over50 @boneAndsilver

My son ’17’ and I just sat down to the yummiest vegetarian nachos I’ve ever made (why was it so good?? I did the same as always)

About halfway through the meal, we were talking about his plans for 2019, once he’s finished school at the end of this year (fingers crossed), when suddenly he asked me what I was going to do?

*gulp

I’ve no idea. Since he was five, and first started at that earnest Steiner kindergarten with the massive tree in the playground, and the cute soft toys with no faces, I’ve been making lunches and healthy snacks, washing uniforms, and cajoling homework demands…

Thirteen years of school-based predictability and rhythm; everything dictated by the calendar of classroom timetables and holidays.

Now the future stretches before me, and while I smile at the prospect of freedom, I’m also swamped with sadness at the end of such comfortable routines, and a mild growing panic at the arrival of the huge unknown.

Why, I could do anything couldn’t I? Anything. Like, move to Sydney or Melbourne, or hell, New York or Bali. I could enrol at university, or take up Buddhist studies. Become a potter, or write a book [for how long have I been saying that??]

I could volunteer abroad, or rent a cheap apartment in Paris, and get a job in a vegan café [OK, that last one appeals quite a lot].

Oh my goodness, what am I going to do? I’ve spent so long coaxing him towards this final year of study and exams, determined to fill him full of fresh water, good meals, and a wide range of future options, that I never truly understood that I too would gain a similar chance for re-invention.

I’m suddenly excited, and slightly fairly terrified.

I guess I had vaguely assumed I would move down to Melbourne to be with my ex ‘H’, so now that I’m on my own, I’m really, literally on my own aren’t I?

What am I going to do? What would you do? Or have you done? Suggestions welcome, as ever…

In gratitude for homemade food, and the hope that our children will always come back for that, no matter where we are living, G xO 

71 Comments

  1. Brizzy Mays Books and Bruschetta says

    Been there, done that. I recommend firstly standing back with pride and acknowledging that you have done a great job raising your son. Next, be kind to yourself and be open to ideas about what the future holds. Something will “speak” to you when the time is right. In the meantime, the best thing you can do is keeping putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward……..

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    • bone&silver says

      OK, that’s really really good advice, thank you. Yes, ‘being kind to self’ is a wonderful practice… I so appreciate your comment : ) x

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  2. TheFeatheredSleep says

    I don’t have children. I wanted to but it wasn’t in the stars. However, most of my friends are of the age where their nearly-adult children are flying the nest and they are in the same position you find yourself. I can only imagine without fully knowing, that it is one of the most exciting and terrifying times for a parent. When you invest so much you almost do not know what you would be if you had not invested that much. A girl I admire very much was a single mom and she brought up her daughter so well and with such care and attention, her daughter flew the nest and wanted to be on her own and I worried my friend would not know what to do, which at first I am sure she did not. A year later she is living in Spain and happier than ever. She wasn’t someone to take risks so I particularly admire that she did. I think she felt after all those years she was owed what she truly wanted to do. So think about what you truly want to do and pursue that, and if a door doesn’t open, it may not be your door but another one will be and you will find a place for yourself that allows you the expansion you may have not had whilst helping someone else to earn their wings. xo Whatever you do I wish you luck, love and blessings – I believe you can do anything you want to do.

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    • bone&silver says

      WOW, thank you for such an awesome first-ever comment from your good self! It is indeed exciting and terrifying… and your wisdom is so valuable, bless you for sharing it. Maybe I WILL end up living in Paris, I’ve always wanted to… thanks so much for your positive energy xx

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      • TheFeatheredSleep says

        That’s hideous that it was a first-ever comment as many times I read you and I should have commented WAY before this! I do believe we can do what we put our minds to, that what may seem impossible, often really isn’t. My friend was a terribly shy girl growing up but she found her wings and I think her example proves we all can. I am certain whatever you choose you will find many aspects of you that you did not even know you had because you had not used them until this point – that is very exciting in of itself. I am excited for you my friend

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  4. Widdershins says

    What Brizzy said. 🙂 … also, a lot can happen between now and when school ends for the last time (even if it is only six months-ish away)… also is 17 going to head out on his own immediately after he graduates, or will the two of you continue on together for a while? … also the world is a big wide wonderful (and occasionally terrifying) place, and if you have a portable skill-set, then it’s also your oyster. 😀

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  6. spicejac says

    Some great advice has been given. I think the important thing is to start thinking about what you want to do, and maybe even setting into progress some groundwork….whether that’s looking at the cost of renting a place in Paris, or talking to your local Vegan/Vegetarian Cafe…..it’s always good to explore the options before making any major decisions. And I’ve learnt never to make firm plans because life will always send you a curve ball….

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  9. Unleashing the Cougar says

    Freedom is scary but exhilarating too. I know that personally if something seems too big I feel daunted at even trying. Breaking down ideas, hopes or dreams into bite-sized chunks is a good tactic. Perhaps make 3 categories and do a short wishlist – eg, self, career, romance. Could be anything really. Then you tackle your categories individually. And I’m guessing you still have the rest of this year to be mum to a school-aged young person?

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    • bone&silver says

      Ooh you’re so onto it, thanks Eve 🙂

      Yes, nothing’s gonna happen till the end of this year thankfully, although it does seem to be zooming by. I’ve never been good at making plans, I’m such a spontaneous decision-maker… no way can I plan even one year in advance really :/ Looks like I will have to gain that skill now :/

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  10. gigglingfattie says

    It’s strange because most people are so concerned that the child is ready for this big leap into the world and how their life is going to change, but I hardly ever hear anyone being concerned with the parents and their transition. My parents had a slow transition, my brother and I both started university at the same time but he moved out and I stayed at home for my whole degree then left. I can’t imagine having all children gone right at once. But I know that you will find your new path and excel at it with grace and awesomeness! Take little steps and you’ll do just fine 😉

    And if those little steps lead you to travel to Canada, lemme know! I’d love to share some great spots to see 😉

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    • bone&silver says

      Aww, that’s so sweet T; I wish he would stay home in a way and go to university, but then again, he’s such a free-thinking and independent fellow, he needs to fly.

      I used to live on Vancouver Island- imagine if I did a world tour and checked in with all my fav bloggers?? You’d be on my list for sure! Mmmmm, cupcakes 😉 xx

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      • gigglingfattie says

        Aww free-thinking and independent just like his mama!

        And you did?! I’ve never been to the island but my aunt used to live in Vancouver and the surrounding cities and I loved visiting her there. And of course if you’re visiting bloggers, I’d love to be included on the list!

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  12. Trace-Blogs says

    Oh gosh this would be me too! If *cough* I hadn’t “decided” to do it all again. The Paris cafe sounds divine. Maybe you could take him? 🙂

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  13. Matt Berger says

    If I were you (in which case I would be talking to myself…not for the first time), I would have as much fun with this as possible.

    There are no wrong answers. There is no invalid choice. And that includes not choosing anything. Status

    But then I remember the Devo song “Freedom of Choice.”

    “In Ancient Rome,/
    there was a poem/
    about a dog/
    who found two bones./
    He licked the one/
    he licked the other/
    He went in circles/
    and he dropped dead.”

    Too many choices can be overwhelming. (“Freedom of choice/is what you’ve got./Freedom from choice/is what you want.”

    The song is actually urging us to use our freedom of choice, understanding its inherent terrors.

    What was the question again? 🙂

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    • bone&silver says

      OK Matt, your comment is the longest, and not necessarily the most helpful ; ) But yes, totally agree I may have too many choices, too many bones, and a dead dog to deal with too now… wait, what’s happened, who’s blog is this anyway?? ; )

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      • Matt Berger says

        Sorry, I was not trying not to be helpful. Not at all. But consideration of multiple, equally-good choices always reminds me of that tune. And I do love me some Devo, who once opened for themselves (to lusty boos…possibly fueled by booze) as “Dove, the Band of Love.” There is a message in there somewhere…maybe in that same bottle of booze (I do no thing The Police ever opened for themselves as Cops, the Band of Fops). Just bear…oh, never mind… 😉

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  16. debscarey says

    This probably seems a lot scarier because of your recent breakup. That bit of your life felt mapped out, and now it isn’t. I worried myself sick how I was going to cope financially when my relationship broke up at a similar time of life and my friend persuaded me to think positive and let the universe bring what I needed. It’s somewhat hippy-dippy thinking, but it did. I also decided to say yes to pretty much everything unless it was unsafe to do so. I had an absolute ball and I figured out what I wanted to do as the year went by. It’ll come to you too. I mean, look at that comment where you mentioned the vegan cafe … you’ll recognise it when the right ideas and options appear. Then all you have to do is grab ’em. 🙂

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    • bone&silver says

      Thank you so much for commenting Deb, and joining in with such personal wisdom and experience. You’re absolutely right: I DID think I had a kinda fun map waiting for me, and now I don’t even know what page I’m on! I am so blessed to be fairly financially stable, so I’m just realising I need to let the Universe show me what’s in store… I’m always up for adventures and travel, but obviously want to stay connected with my son and community, so we’ll just see what unfolds indeed… I really appreciate your comment, thank you : ) G

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  18. Susie Elmaliotis says

    This made me so melancholy… I’m in the exact same spot as u! Change… the only constant in life!

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    • bone&silver says

      Oh I’m sorry Susie, I didn’t mean to upset anyone… but yes, we just can’t seem to get away from Change hey, especially where our beloved kids are concerned. There are lots of good resources to help us deal with this big change, so I hope you can reach out and find some comfort? Take care, G

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  19. Alexis Rose says

    Oh, I have two that flown the nest. My daughter will even be moving out of state in August. Give yourself lots of room to feel and be super gentle with yourself. It’s different, and really it becomes okay as we see our kids thrive with independence. Plus lots of texting and FaceTime 😊❤️

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    • bone&silver says

      Wow, that’s an amazing thing to have done, good on you! I love hearing about strong women who just decide something and do it, how fabulous : ))) Thanks so much for commenting and sharing, G

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  21. Jad says

    I wish I had some advice for you but I do not, my empty nest happened under very different circumstances. I am sure whatever happens it is going to take some adjustment

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  22. lonelykeyboards says

    It’s a massive transition. Have spoken to a few people navigating it. Of course I’m going to say this, but perhaps finding someone* to travel with you during the process might help, especially in the light of your changed ‘status’.

    * A registered, qualified, values neutral empathic therapist, I mean!

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    • bone&silver says

      You are so right; I have a great one of those already, who’s been helping me through the relationship journey… I can easily tack this mild panic onto the end of it! Thank you for caring and offering support, G : )

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  23. acflory says

    -grin- What on earth makes you think he’ll actually leave home?

    The serious part of your question needs a serious answer though. I’ll answer it with a question: how would you like to be remembered?
    -hugs-

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    • bone&silver says

      Get this: he wants ME to leave home so he can have the place to himself!! The truth came out yesterday 🤣

      That is a very smart question. And have to answer it by saying the same as we all remember my Dad: always traveling or trying something new, while eating good food, staying connected with his family & friends, while appreciating as much Art, Nature, and dance as possible. ❤🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤

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  24. violetonlineisonline says

    long walks. lots of coffee. a trip to Europe where you stay in hostels and do it cheaply and travel by train and meet new people and see beautiful things and buy second hand books.
    Read.
    Write a few poems.
    Netflix!
    A new lover.
    Download Duolingo and learn a new language, it’s such fun.
    Grow vegetables.
    This is really my list but thanks for inspiring me and making me think.
    And there, make others think!
    Continue to be inspiring.
    Fishnet stockings, haha, why not…
    New!

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  25. RhapsodyBoheme says

    It will take much adjusting to your new life. The comfort of your routine will be gone and needs to be filled with something close to YOUR heart. You really could do anything at this point, listen to your heart and see what makes it best faster. I think you need an adventure to help you adjust and get used to your life away from your son. Something that distracts you and fills your time with excitement. It might make the transition a bit easier. Go for it and do that crazy stuff you always wanted to do. You only live once. Much love.

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