Love + Dating
Published on June 4, 2018
Comments 19

Two comets dancing

written by
Cuddling with the cat while I contemplate new queer romance over 50 in

Life over 50 is easier as a cat #romance #wellbeing #advice #blogging @boneAndsilver

I’m sitting here smiling with the cat at that post title. The attraction dance continues, slowly turning as we tangle in each other’s tails, sparks flying off the edges. [Not me and the cat; me and her.]

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to comment with advice on my last post, it was super helpful. A couple of real life friends kinda told me off for being too personal, and asked me if I was being a self-indulgent narcissist?

*gulp.

I don’t think so. I was reaching out for support and wisdoms which I didn’t feel I had to give myself, and the call was answered by my awesome blogging buddies. It was a personal post, but that’s the point round here. I’m trying to respond honestly to whatever’s going on, and use it as a stimulus for writing/creativity/art/connection- sometimes it’s ’17’, sometimes it’s politics, and sometimes it’s sex/love.

So be it.

And as I pointed out to my [wonderfully loving] yet challenging friends: if my post helped ONE person with their own dating issues, or negative patterns, or low self esteem, or heartache, then I’m happy.

The easy general consensus about my dating nervousness was:

  • Stop thinking too much
  • Life is short so go for it
  • It’s good to be aware of your habits, but having fun is also important

And this later comment (which some of you may have missed) was the golden nugget I couldn’t even dream of finding:

“The purpose of dating has two sides to it. Firstly, getting to know one another. Slow things down, enjoy the fireworks, find out what you have in common, look for signs of her attachment style, remembering that we each have bits n pieces of all of them but tend to have a default also. This is not to be used to analyse and decide to stay or go, but more to look deeper beyond the attraction. What does she need in a relationship to both keep her safe and to grow into her dreams? Do you have the capacity to meet the needs of her particular adaptations to love? These are big questions and take time to discover.

The other purpose I think is to see if this wonderful woman who breaths excitement into your very existence can meet your particular attachment kaleidoscope and needs. Can you show her your vulnerability? Can she hold it with the care of holding a new born baby? Does she show curiosity and want to know more about you, your experiences, your values? Does she support your ideas and dreams? Can she give you the freedom you need to flourish in the world? Can you truly be your vibrant, broken at times, creative, juicy, playful self? Can you communicate your heart’s desires, or do you at times clip your own wings so as not to ‘be too much’ or whatever old pattern may be stuck on replay.

I love that you are intent on staying conscious in this process. I don’t think it’s about the mismatch of attachment styles as much as I used to, I now think it’s about understanding theirs and yours so intently that you transcend the old push pull dynamic that can erupt when we hit one another’s sensitivities and wounds. This only comes from the intention to grow, the intention to experience true love…not just have a good time.

Wishing you an abundance of the kind of love that transforms lives ❤”

What a comment hey?! From an expert in the field of relationships and attachment systems- please contact me if you’re in Australia and would like more information about her.

In gratitude for shared care and understanding, G xO 

19 Comments

  4. gigglingfattie says

    Wow that comment! Amazing! I’m definitely going to have to re-read it once I’ve fully woken up.

    But I also commend you on sharing personal things on your blog. When I first started writing it was easier to be so open and honest. But now I have formed relationships with people there and it makes it a little more difficult to be as open. I totally still try but somethings are left out just because I know certain people will be reading it.

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    • bone&silver says

      Such an amazing comment indeed! I think I need to print it out and put it on my fridge 😬

      Yeah, it’s a tricky line between the personal and the private- I thought I’d written way more personal posts- but for some reason two friends each had a reaction to that last one… food for thought hey? Thanks T xx ❤

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      • gigglingfattie says

        Yes definitely! It’s strange how some people will react to certain posts more than others.

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  5. The Lockwood Echo says

    I started to comment on that post but deleted what began to sound like a lecture! Pretty much as per your summary; Life’s too short! I so admire people that LIVE (I watch from the sidelines 😉 ) So I wholeheartedly encourage anyone brave enough to go dip their toes and have some fun. You know who you are, what you need, you’re an adult, eyes wide open, strong and experienced enough to deal with whichever direction it takes 🙂

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    • The Lockwood Echo says

      As for it being personal and public, I think that is also a personal choice. Our Agony Aunts come in all forms, the mediums that have evolved have changed the way we conduct our lives. It’s good to be able to have a public discussion that may help and encourage the less brave 😉

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    • bone&silver says

      Lockwood, that is so lovely and positive of you, thank you for this comment 😊 I do feel like I’m being a bit brave, but I’m up for it I reckon 💪🏼👍🏼 Fingers crossed anyway 🙏🏼

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  6. ForgivingConnects says

    Wow, this comment and your general support are incredible! Gabrielle, speaking from someone who’s regularly open on my blog, I think it’s a real service to be authentic and real on your blog. Both because you may help someone else, and also because what a gift to receive support for yourself!! You are so special and I’m so happy that you reached out. My perspective! (and I respect that other people have differing points of view). Much love and continued Light to you both and to your adorable cat. Blessings, Debbie

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