adventures, personal
Published on February 26, 2020
Comments 34

I’m crap at transitions, & ’empty nest’ is a big one (Part Two)

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Over 50 and empty nesting has advantages

A stairway to heaven? #Australia #garden #path

So as you saw in Part One, I have a new dream of moving onto a community in the rainforest, 20 minutes from my current cute Australian town.

But I was struggling with anxiety.

‘What’s underneath it all?’ the therapist asked me. ‘You sound informed, supported, capable, ready- what’s going on? What are you scared of?’

I sat, twisting the sodden tissue, cursing my sensitive stomach while I dug down through the layers…

And came face to face with a desperate fear of failure.

It just seemed too good to be true, and I couldn’t accept it.

I couldn’t believe that after a year of fruitless searching for a rural property, & listening to my growing yearning for a tree change + a sense of community, it had actually fallen into my lap via word of mouth, perfect timing, and feasible financial gymnastics.

Empty nesting over 50 has advantages

Another stairway to heaven? #Australia #garden #path

I couldn’t delight in it.

I had to worry about the details, and foresee as many problems as possible. It almost felt like my duty to do so, even though it didn’t make sense here and now.

And there I found my clue: it was an old habit. An ancient one perhaps, not even mine?

I remembered how many times we’d moved as children, every 6 months sometimes, depending on the tourist season and how easily Mum could find an affordable rental.

She never owned her own home when I lived with her.

I had no positive model inside me for being a brave empty nester, taking on the next chapter of my life with confidence and courage.

To be honest, I can’t even remember what Mum did after I left home at 19- as I said, I just fled to Australia and got on with a whole new way of being…

Empty nest over 50 is good for your wellbeing

A verandah with a view #Australia #tropical #green

But I remain bad at ‘transitions’. I’ve travelled a lot, for work and pleasure, and still get quite nervous en route to airport or train. I feel a sigh of relief as soon as I settle into even the dingiest of motel rooms or Airbnbs; I just like to know I have my ‘home’, however temporary.

As my lovely readers have already pointed out, a massive upheaval like moving house is guaranteed to bring a large amount of anxiety and stress. I’m no exception of course.

Still, I was adding to my discomfort by fretting about whether I deserved such an amazing opportunity, despite clear, factual evidence to the contrary.

I was sabotaging myself: worrying that I couldn’t cope with the change of lifestyle, such as the lush tropical garden or the distance from town, or feeling isolated from friends (who are always just a phone call or blog post away). That I didn’t deserve a successful new chapter focussed just on ME, after 20 years of parenting ’19’. That I was too old/inexperienced/lazy to deal with life in the forest.

Yes, I sank the arrows in deep.

But after I stopped crying, and being a bit pathetic to be honest, in light of my privilege, I understood that I’m in a new place, like standing on a bridge between the known and the unknown, and it will work best if I’m kind to myself, and have a little faith.

So that’s what I’m currently trying to do.

Any other tips? 

In gratitude for support during transitions, G xO 

34 Comments

  1. Letitgocoach says

    Have faith. All your looking and searching for what you longed for, placed this in your heart. Now it’s coming to fruition. Give yourself permission to enjoy this step. You are worthy. ❤

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  4. Writer of words says

    A lot of this sounds familiar. Deep down it feels like, once again, it’s a step over a threshold.

    Let us know, good and bad, how it goes!

    Oh and that Stairway To Heaven picture… ❤💙❤

    Liked by 3 people

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks honey… and I’m holding back on the pictures for now… but hopefully not for long, and yes, am gonna blog about this whole adventure for sure 🙂

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  5. gigglingfattie says

    I have no tips for you. I have never been in such a situation. I have always felt grounded and secure in my home, which I am more than thankful for!! I hope you find some rest for your emotions and a balance in your energies again as you move forward with making your decisions on where and how to live! You are a strong and beautiful goddess and you’ve got this!!

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  6. cathytea says

    Sometimes, it’s nice to sit with a cup of tea and just talk to yourself. Maybe you can pour a cup of tea for 19-year-old you, and say, “Look! Remember those wishes all those years ago? This is what’s come of them! Aren’t we something? All that hard work and perseverance, and look what’s become!”

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  7. arlingwoman says

    You’ve had a bunch of brilliant tips. You know this is good. Just remember to be kind to yourself. It’s hard to stop being mean and saying things to yourself you’d never say to someone else. It requires a certain bit of attention and correction. You react the way you do because you haven’t healed. A little kindness helps that.

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  8. Ann Coleman says

    Honestly, recognizing where your anxiety comes from is half the battle. Just keep reminding yourself that you’re all grown up now and in control of your own life, and that you absolutely deserve good things!

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. lynnefisher says

    A wonderful place waiting for you. Your heart’s desire. If I were you in this position I would keep busy with the practical stuff, then slowly let the new surroundings sink in naturally. The garden looks magical!

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  14. Donnalee of Kingston NY says

    It sounds good. If you have genuinely checked it out and it is legitimately trustworthy and what you desire, then I’d check inside and feel what is not okay, which you’ve done, but no harm in looking at it from other angles. Look at it energetically maybe, like it’s a picture in your head and see what parts of it don’t look right or are a colour you don’t like or have sharp parts or beings that can tell you things, and then chat with those bits or with someone who pops up to give advice. It’s worth a try and is free!

    Best wishes–

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  15. candidkay says

    Oh, this post made me happy. So few of us dig and find the nugget of gold you just did! I’m thrilled that you did and hope it frees you for adventure and joy. Here’s to breaking old patterns . . .

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