Love + Dating, personal
Published on May 14, 2020
Comments 44

Racked with sobs at 5.30am: break ups suck

written by
Frogs in Australia can help with break ups over 50

As tiny as my fingernail, sitting on a massive pumpkin in my veggie garden

Yes, these virus times are horrifying, terrible, weird.

Yes, these virus times are weird, transformative, full of potential for change.

Yes, these virus times illuminate privilege, selfishness, and inequality on a global scale we can truly see.

And these times also suck for a break-up.

But after two years (minus the upcoming fortnight), my ‘Comet’ love just imploded.

Exploded actually.

Which finds me sobbing at 5.30am, having been awake since 3, thrashing over recent emails in my mind, composing a wide variety of healthy destructive neutral  unnecessary replies.

I’m 53, nearly 54: I’ve done a shit ton of break ups. I know about all the stages, in no particular order- the denial, relief, shock, sadness, rebound fuck, period of isolation, anger, care, ‘let’s be friends’, reunions, accusations, apologies, gratitude etc etc.

Some break ups evolve to friendship, and some certainly don’t.

But this fresh period right now, this stomach-churning, grief-stricken, anxiety-ridden, anger-fuelled maelstrom is exhausting.

One good thing though: the gag order about romance blogging has been blown up. I can write whatever the hell I want again.

Which of course I won’t do, because I’m 53, nearly 54, and I’ve done a shit ton of break ups.

However, I’m dancing every day, sometimes multiple times, to this song. Join me if it makes you tap your toes:

I know you may feel concerned about me. Trust that I am well-supported by dearest friends, have an excellent counsellor I can check in with, am well-resourced with YouTube philosophy clips on the poor choices we make because of our faulty attachment systems, and am being cuddled by my superb son ‘Nearly20.’

I will be OK. I know this.

But right now, I am going to channel my energy into creativity, so come along for the ride if you’ve missed me.

In gratitude for the release of writing & dance, G xO

 

44 Comments

  1. dfolstad58 says

    I like how you mentioned that you don’t need any advice and that you are fine regardless of the venting is that you’re doing.
    It’s interesting how people sometimes can be feeling emotional and I suspect that maybe that’s what you’re feeling.
    I am far away, on the other side of the equator; but I look forward to your future posts. people can swing from high to low emotionally, take care and just swing to the middle ! Best wishes

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Thanks so much- I admit I did delete a couple of feisty sentences on editing- trying to walk the middle path indeed. Bless you for your comment 🙂 G

      Liked by 3 people

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  4. arlingwoman says

    I’d say dancing to Another One Bites the Dust a few times a day will do great things. It’s funny how when you’re a kid and have you’re first break up, you always think you’ll learn how to be better at it. I remember a roommate in grad school who went to lunch with a family fried and made the mistake of mentioning another family friend that this woman was no longer seeing. The roommate said the lot that flashed across the woman’s face made her realize that “Oh my God, it never gets any easier.” Nope. Except you know you’ll survive. Good luck and keep dancing.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • bone&silver says

      Yes. Never easier. Perhaps faster? Fingers crossed. And yes, you’re right: I do know I’ll survive. Thank you so much for sharing your memory, G 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  6. gigglingfattie says

    My beautiful beautiful friend! I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this! I am sending ALL my positive thoughts and prayers of love and happiness for you. A virtual hug my dearest! Heal quickly! 💛💛💛

    Liked by 2 people

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  8. Q says

    Oh, I read this and knew exactly the feelings you described, including the exhaustion brought on by having so many intense emotions in a short time. I’m lucky and have been in my current relationship (marriage) for two decades but that doesn’t mean I have forgotten how heart-rending a break-up can be.

    Well, that was a long-winded way to say: from your post, I vividly remembered this pain, and I am sorry you are going through it. I know you only thru the blog but recognize your strength and wisdom, so I know you will cope and continue to develop and grow in beautiful ways. Be sweet to yourself as you go thru this. I hope you will keep writing.

    With warmth and caring, Q.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Q, that’s so lovely of you to reach out in empathy. I am trying to take care of myself yes: still make nice food to eat, have a bath, read a good book etc. And I hope I blog more as I go. Warmth back, G 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  9. Matt Berger says

    Ouch…that wicked sucks with all manner of awfulness. As if the wildfires and COVID-19 were not enough…what was that about things coming in three’s?

    Your multitude of break-ups may be hard-earned and never-wanted experience–but you now have it to guide your next steps.

    Which could be loud, angry stomps…or continued toe-tapping to John Deacon’s fluid bass. Just so long as there is forward motion.

    Hang in there.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Matt- yes, 2021 better be awesome! I am doing a variety of things, and toe tapping is definitely my fav.

      Thank you for your well wishes, and I do hope you’re staying safe over there? Your country’s COVID disaster makes me weep 😦

      Liked by 1 person

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  11. Ann Coleman says

    I’m so sorry for the breakup! And I think you are wise to turn to creativity as a way to cope. That’s an excellent thing to do with all those emotions and helps you feel more in control.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Thank you Writer- I just poured it out in 30 mins and pressed publish 🙂 Heartbreak indeed feels better eventually, and the gift is [hopefully] Wisdom. Thanks for commenting 🙂 G

      Liked by 1 person

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks- I know right? So many people making a new start- just a matter of healing time till I’m back out and up 🙂 Thank you for commenting 🙂

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  15. Widdershins says

    Well, fuck!!! … …
    Annie Lennox’s ‘Diva’ got me through a really sucky break-up. I can highly recommend it … particularly, “Walking on Broken Glass’.
    I hope your new home isn’t coloured too darkly by this pain, and if it is may you find what you need to set it to rights when the time comes.
    Big hugs, m’dear, and large-sized hankies.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Thanks honey- I’ll chase down those tunes. And actually this new home has probably partly inspired the break: it feels like such a special, peaceful place, that doesn’t deserve the drama and negativity… so I’m just going to wander round my gardens and heal my wounds ❤ Thank you for your support as ever xO

      Liked by 1 person

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  17. Kayorie says

    Sorry to hear of your experiences. I left my partner nearly 3 weeks ago after 4 years together and I am 28 but I know things will be okay whatever happens and I know the same for you. You sound lovely and I am sure the right person will see that soon!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • bone&silver says

      Thank you, that’s a very sweet comment. Good luck on your healing journey as well- Time really does help! Blessings, G 🙏🏼😊

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  18. ellenjade says

    Break ups are the worst. I feel you, I was awake til 3 last night and have cried most of today. We will get through it.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Oh dear, sorry to hear of your suffering 😥
      I take great comfort in knowing that now that my grieving is thoroughly done, I feel INFINITELY relieved, safer, calmer, and ready for a better future, whether solo or with a new love. I wish this for you too 🙏🏼
      Thank you for commenting, & good luck with your process 🙏🏼 G

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