All posts tagged: boundaries

Can meditation help you set clearer boundaries? Perhaps (Part 2)

Published by

“Yes, this is good, let’s begin. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat,” I say to myself. [Where am I? In a yurt on a Sunday with 20 other women, practicing setting boundaries and the discomfort of that in Part 1] I sit cross-legged on my cushion at my Women’s Dharma Meditation circle, while Yoda Carol guards the door and taps the bowl to begin the session. “I love meditating so much, I’m damn lucky to be here. I wonder how I’ll go today? Hopefully I’ll go deep… breathe in, breathe out. Repeat. Ooh, it feels so good already, how great to do it with so many other women… did any of them bring dessert for lunch, or just lots of salad? I’m glad I made my brownies, such a cool recipe, remember that week I made them 3 times for those birthday parties that was fun perhaps I’ll go to that party next weekend… WAIT! Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat. Welcome back Brain. Shit, it’s easy to stray isn’t it? I wonder how everyone else is …

Does setting boundaries make you uncomfortable? Good: you’re doing it right (Part 1)

Published by

Sunday was my Women’s Buddhist Meditation Day, and the group’s facilitator Yoda Carol began by shutting the door on any latecomers. ‘If you arrive late next time ladies, you will have to wait outside for 45 minutes while we finish our introductions and first Meditation circle,’ she cautioned. The group of 20 women shifted on their cushions, and glanced round the room, calculating who may be missing. ‘Oh, have I made you uncomfortable? It’s simply too disruptive to admit latecomers; we must each just plan to arrive on time.’ More rustling and looking. ‘We all have families, partners, children, pets, or jobs that may make us run late to Meditation, but that’s not the point. We close the door at 9.30am sharp, and that’s the boundary. I’m setting it, and happy to. If you’re uncomfortable with that, sit with it. Boundaries are not always easy, to set or receive, and especially for women. We are so trained to be ‘nice’, to be ‘good’, to not make a fuss or upset anyone… But boundaries are healthy, …

The best boundary for casual online dating over 50? Listening to yourself

Published by

So I’m back out there in the dating world, and quickly connected with someone local. Plus someone in Brisbane. And someone else fairly nearby. Go G! My profile is clear though: with my bruised heart, all I want is casual fun, a bit of exploring and play, and definitely non-monogamy for now. One person usually rises up above the rest, in terms of attention or connection; messages sometimes fly (or crawl) back and forth, and I totally go with the flow, without too much expectation if possible (the key to online dating in my experience). I like to be spontaneous, so if someone is free on the day (or evening) I am, I’m up for meeting- this is definitely easier when dating women rather than men, when I had to be more safety-conscious. Now, I’m only 3 months out of a serious, loving and important relationship, thus I need to protect my heart; I don’t want to sit at home grieving any longer, but nor do I want to fall in love or get too involved …

Episode 5: Like an oldtime military overcoat

Published by

Our first date lasted two days. The 2nd one, four. The 3rd was five nights long, and so was the 4th, from which I’ve just returned. Mmmmmmmm. They kinda have to go for a long time, when we live so far apart… Nothing about this courtship and romance has been ‘as usual’. We began emailing Oct 4th, and didn’t actually meet in the flesh for 78 days. 11 weeks. That’s a looooonnnnnnggggggg time, especially in this age of instant gratification, with extreme technological resources. So how many times did we Skype/Facetime/Whats App video before our first date? None. Zero. Nil. Why? Because one of us really didn’t want to, despite occasional hints or suggestions from the other interested party, or the incredulity of workmates and friends. Let me give you a clue: it wasn’t me. I’m usually pretty forward in my romances; a combination of genuine Feminist confidence (I want to be FREE to do whatever I want, whenever I want), plus bravado to cover up my ubiquitous Crabby cautiousness or nerves. But this Melbourne …