dating, love
Comments 19

Episode 8: Best thirty bucks I ever spent

Last night I went out for dinner with 9 creative and vibrant women aged 40-50. There was much talk of art, young children, partners, teenagers, social media, Feminism, sex, hair colour, food, fitness etc; I hope you can picture it.

I arrived late, and ended up sitting at one head of the table, between two women I didn’t know, P & S. Slowly our conversations delved deeper, like cats burrowing under the quilt in winter. Do you reveal yourself easily, like P, red-stained teeth, bolstered by her 3rd glass of wine? Or with deliberate care like a tightrope walker, which S actually used to be in her 20s? I’m probably a mix of the two (always without the wine though), and as we chatted about kids and dads, relationships and dating, I said something about ‘…my current tomboy girlfriend in Melbourne’.

I noticed the split second of surprise and/or understanding flash across their faces, then we continued talking. P admitted she was currently dating 2 men at once. ‘Go girl!’ I said. S agreed; no disapproval or shaming here thanks. S told a sweet story about her husband, then juiced it up with tales of her various love affairs with women and men in Europe when younger.

I was struck by the ease with which we traversed so many different behaviours and presentations: travel/parenting/work/sex & romance/committed loving… there was both a fluidity and flow that delighted me. I know some love the stability of long-term marriages, the comfort of religious faith, the predictability of the same career path, or clear identity labels. Others need to explore and weave changes; surely we have evolved successfully by valuing both these states in our cavemen cavewomen cavepersons’ tribes?

Online dating has brought me so much adventure and thereby self-knowledge. I don’t care if you’re 20 or 75: there’s someone out there who wants to meet you. As I wrote HERE in Episode 1 (including my fabulous tips), I’m a Queen of it, and proudly so.

It must therefore be time for my romance update hey? Well, we just passed the official ‘8 months’ marker since that inaugural online ‘Hi’ during my 3-month/$30 trial subscription.

Softly looming is the actual, physical, 3D-satisfying reality-based ‘6 months’ flag.

LipsBlog

And it’s a rainbow flag, layered with glitter, sequins, type-written words and handmade comics. Yes, it’s Pride month in June, and I want to honour that old saying ‘I’m not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is’.

Some of us humans like labels, and some of us don’t. Sometimes we need them, and sometimes we don’t. I want to decide how I define myself, and when; what you think of me is none of my business. And now that I’m passing through the tumultuous year of turning 50 (my coming birthday is late July- don’t worry, I’ll remind you- there’ll be plenty of opportunities for gift giving), I’m relishing my absolute, hard-earned freedom to just Be Myself.

And 1600kms away, H loves that. x

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Hand drawn in Melbs for one of our ‘Sunday Dress-Up Skype dates’

 

 

19 Comments

  1. The gnarly question of identity and the right to choose one’s own, raises it’s head ad nauseum. The thing about being old is that you have the time and courage to examine what it means to be ‘you’. Or this has been the case for me. Just as feminists have reclaimed negative stereotypes for women, e.g. Trump’s ‘nasty women’ comment about Hilary Clinton was discussed at a recent Sydney Writers festival panel discussion, so too am I claiming the right to define the term ‘old’ and change the negative stereotype it has laboured under. My point is, however we choose to define ourselves, or live our lives is ultimately up to us. The question is, when will we as a society learn tolerance? When can younger people explore their own self expression without fear of judgement? We all benefit from diversity in the long run.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Absolutely agree! Thank you so much for dropping by, engaging, and commenting. I value your wisdom and contribution greatly. Celebration of diversity is where it’s at, as far as I’m concerned, including of the older, the younger, and the inbetweeners… G

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m feeling this myself. I really feel like I’m making progress about not caring what other people think of me. I also turn 50 in August. Fifty, fab and free to be… That sounds good 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I like the expression like cats burrowing under a quilt. I’m the kind of person who is very, very careful about what kind of impression I give. I suppose I’m more like the feral cat that takes a long time to get close.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ooh that’s a nice image too 😃
      I’m good with cats: patient & kind. Impressions do matter of course… as long as you’re not censoring some of your essential energy, in my opinion. Thanks for commenting 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I pictured this scene and enjoyed the vision of happy laughter and banter between 3 strong women. Do you reveal yourself easily? my answer would have been no pre-menopause for fear of rejection and judgement. As my 51 year old self the answer is very different. I am who I am…….the personal opinions of others have little impact on me these days. I love your attitude and determination to be YOU. Have a great weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks a lot! Yes, it’s kinda strange isn’t it: I would have agreed pre-49 I was way more cautious of revealing myself (for a number of reasons including fear of rejection)… now I almost don’t give a f**k! Thanks so much for commenting, & you have a great feisty weekend too 😃💪🏼

      Liked by 1 person

  5. What a beautiful post. Your writing style and your storytelling complement each other perfectly and I loved every word! I understand your lack of interest in labels… I’ve been learning lately that so many of the rules we bend to exist only in our minds, and I’ve decided not to care so damn much about them anymore. It’s liberating and wonderful. 😊 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I can’t wait to read more!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Faith! It’s so lovely to get a comment like this from a new reader- very encouraging 😍. I personally love this post too, for a number of reasons, & articulating my lack of need for labels indeed was liberating; I noticed I felt very free & light the next day. Everyone has their own path though don’t they 🙏🏼😊
      Thank you for commenting, & I hope my writing continues to engage you (I think the ones about my teenage son are hilarious 😘). Have a great day, cheers from Australia, gabrielle xo

      Like

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