[EPISODE 9 HERE. Worth reading first].
Arguments suck! We all know that. Yet still they explode from seemingly nowhere. One minute everything is cute, cosy, safe and understanding; the next, it feels like the floor has dropped out of your world, and either one or both of you is willing to fight, flight or freeze your way to a land of Disconnection and possibly Sulks.
It happens so fast, and furiously. Even for snails.
Snails? What the hell do I mean? Well, my Love H is a Snail: slow, steady, sensitive to loud sounds and being startled, quick to retract into the shell, cautious to emerge.
I’m more like a Crab: fast, sideways, big claw, unpredictable, fond of dark caves, difficult to prise out. Hard shell, sweet-bellied soft.
But no matter your style, no matter your inner totem creature, you gotta T-A-L-K. Whether it’s immediately, or after 24 hours, someone’s gotta make the first move…
*sound of crickets for a day and a night*
Then H texted. But I’d already written a heartfelt email, I just hadn’t sent it. So technically, we’d both kinda made a similar move…
And very quickly, it felt resolved. Because I think H is awesome. H thinks I’m awesome.
It’s been a technicolour 6-month online dating ride, plus an extra 11 weeks of emailing before our first date, so now perhaps we’re birthing the next phase? As my smart friend/relationship counsellor A says: ‘Once the honeymoon period of 3-6 months is over, the real conflicts & commitments must begin.’
So Be It. First one done/more to come. Habits to understand (Snails are SO slow to move forward yet can back up at the speed of light it seems); skills to learn and practice (Crabs scuttle here and there on secret missions yes indeed, but can be very calm and present when needed).
I’m typing this on my verandah in an incredible sunset. H arrives here in a week, for a week. We’re ready; it’s been 5 weeks apart. Relationships are as fundamentally precious and unique as every sunset, and I’m willing to bring all my colours to ours.