This is a stressful week for me: we’re opening a new show on Friday morning. It’s our fourth version of it, and at last, it feels like we’re getting it right.
I actually pulled out of it before we began, due to the stresses of dealing with my Mum, and concerns I may have to fly over to England right in the middle of rehearsals.
But she’s getting two visits a day from the community nurse, and my brother is visiting her for 4 days tomorrow, so that feels sorted; the show’s director rang me the morning after I resigned to check that I really didn’t want to do it before she offered it to someone else.
Which was very sweet. And smart. Plus exactly what I needed to hear. So I said yes again.
I do make a really good Red.
But that means I have to learn lines, WHICH I HATE. And to be honest, I’m not very good at it either; it also gets harder as you get older. *sigh.
I’ve looked up the Top Ten ways… recorded them onto my voice memos on my phone… played them over and over in my head while driving (I hope that’s not illegal??)… read them as I eat my lunch… paced the garden reciting them to myself… looked at them last thing before sleep, and as soon as I open my eyes… handwritten them out… dreamt about them…
Yet still I fumbled them in the first dress rehearsal yesterday! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
It’s hard not to be tough on yourself isn’t it? I know some of you out there are teachers/executives/writers/business owners & managers/regular office workers/retired folk, but it still feels bad when you let both your team and yourself down doesn’t it? What do you hate about your job? And what’s the best bit?
I know it’s not exactly life-saving work I’m doing: an immersive theatre show for 5-8 year olds, trying to get them to protect the last rainbow.
I hate learning lines, and I’m not very good at it (although I’ll own that I’m awesome at all visual/physical/musical cues), but this is still THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD, and I am incredibly grateful every single day that I get to do this.
I just had to have a little procrastinating blog whinge, to partly explain my absence this week in commenting and reading everyone’s posts, and let off steam, while also being thankful.
Right, got that off my chest, now back to the script:
“… Redness Red, I’ve come to collect, It’s all for ME, the big Red effect!”
In gratitude for creativity, G xO