writing
Published on January 19, 2018
Comments 21

Fiction Friday: Part Two of short story “Roadside”

written by
My niece captured me perfectly #portrait #black&white #snapshot

bone&silver’s G, happy in France in 2017 #over 50 #blogger #writer #authentic @boneAndsilver

 

Hello All, time for Part Two, yay. It’s Fiction, so feel free to skip this post if that’s not yer thing! This piece won tiny accolades in several small writing competitions here in Australia, although it’s a few years old now. PART ONE is here, so please read it first.

Then let me know what you think, G xO 

 

“Roadside”- Part Two

‘Don’t touch him! And don’t touch me! I hate you!’

Blowing the lid off her temper, Lucy pushes past Eris. She shoves open the kitchen screen door, and slams out into the garden. Her exit seems trailed by black vapour that sucks energy out of her husband.

‘I can’t fucking believe you’re hassling me about this. Isn’t it hard enough already?’ she yells from the lawn.

He can hear the tears catching round her words, and hurries with arthritic knees toward the door.

‘Stay away from me, Eris, I mean it. Leave me alone.’ Her command whips between strands of hair as she runs out the garden gate. ‘I’m a nightmare.’

In the kitchen, the timer’s bell rings.

‘You’re being a nightmare today, that’s for sure,’ he mutters, following her outside. ‘Don’t be silly Lucy,‘ he calls. ‘Come back inside. It’s getting cold, and you’re barefoot. Let’s not scream at each other in front of the neighb…’

‘Stop telling me what to do. Sod the neighbours. Leave me alone!’

At the base of the tree, the wildflowers thrive, leaning into the wood, casting fine lace shadows. At odds with the thin dry soil and scrubby weeds everywhere else.

She didn’t notice the bus driving down the hill. All she could think about was running away from her husband. Tyres screeched, muffled cries from passengers, the stench of a skid across tarmac. Then a sickening quiet, as if everything in the area was holding its breath. But still it came: the soft punch of metal meeting flesh.

She twisted and fell.

‘Oh my God. Lucy!’ He runs toward her, feeling like his legs are moving through mud. Damn knees.

In the kitchen, the smell of burning begins.

As eucalyptus leaves drop from the branches, they flicker past the homemade roadside marker. Neat, white, firmly nailed into the trunk.

Thirty minutes later, the bus and its ruffled cargo have travelled on, feathers smoothed. Lucy and Eris sit on their rough garden bench under a weeping tree. Tears are being dried. Hers and his.

‘I do understand you need a proper headstone to mourn at, Eris.’ She touches his knee. ‘I’m sorry. I just resist making it so official. And you know I hate cemeteries.’

Her weak smile gifts the words to her husband. He strokes the silver hair, remembering how much he has loved it since the days it was gold. He cleans with his handkerchief the blood that sits in small cuts on her forehead and elbow. Bruises are already darkening the skin around her eye, cheekbone, and exposed shoulder through the torn jumper.

She was lucky. Argument and burnt cake are forgiven.

‘You’re hard work all right, there’s no doubt about that,’ he jokes. ‘You’d better turn out to be worth it.’

She gazes at him, seeing him afresh for a moment. Almost forty years together, but still he can surprise her.

‘I can’t believe we have to find a way to live through this.’ She pulls at leaves that want to tickle her shoulder. ‘And I am a nightmare.’ A twig is snapped. ’You don’t deserve this.’

A cluster of leaves is wrenched and dropped, with fresh tears.

 

… To Be Continued…

 

21 Comments

    • bone&silver says

      Thanks- yes, I agree, but it’s 2000 words so I think it’s too long for people. I’m going to do 2 more parts, then publish it as a whole one, so maybe just wait and read that? I’ll title it clearly as a Long read. I gotta admit, the end is my fav part 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
          • Unleashing the Cougar says

            You could do a survey using this story as an example – have your readers got the stamina to read a long story and stay engaged? Personally I will save a longer piece for a time when I feel I can concentrate rather than a quick read while checking emails. I lean towards writing (my own and others) that require deep thought and concentration, and I would never expect readers to be in a position to do that on the spot. However, I have L plates in this blogging thing (unlike you!) and I have a lot to learn I’m sure 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          • bone&silver says

            That is a really really
            interesting comment; yes, sometimes I love a long deep read too, but then I don’t always get back to those longer posts once time starts to pass and more shorter posts keep getting published! It’s like juggling sometimes hey? Thanks heaps for your input 👍🏼😃❤

            Liked by 1 person

  6. Jean Cross says

    Dramatic instalment! I thought Lucy was a goner but it was a great way to resolve the conflict and settle the characters to talking and taking us further into the story. Eager for more. I love the way you describe the dialogue ‘tears catching around her words’.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Thanks so much Jean; I followed a very standard ‘short story’ framework (drama, resolution, bigger drama, twisty end), so wait till Friday- I was going to eek it out for two more parts, but I think I’m going to just make it a 1000-word post so people can sink into it…

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  8. Jad says

    I have never considered word count in my posts but I can see how a longer post may be a little daunting to someone who is just stopping by for a quick read.
    I enjoyed part 2 and looking forward to part 3, I feel kind of lucky that I am behind in reading my blogs because I only have to wait as long as it takes for me to get caught up

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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