Love + Dating, personal
Comments 22

“Can we hold a funeral for this love?”

Break ups over 50 are hard work

Finding comfort in the ordinariness of home

Break ups suck, we all agree.Whether mutual or one party initiating; whether a shocking surprise or long slow death; whether relief or torture, short or long-term, the loss of a loving connection tears at the heart.

We know this. We’ve all felt it. I’m nearly 54, and can’t believe I’m still working my way through this sad swamp, grabbing at the tree roots of friends to pull me out.

Black sticky smelly mud weighs down my shoes, bedraggles my hair. Yes, I’m alive- I’m safe from the virus, the pantry is full, and I’m typing this in front of the fire while the rain drums overhead.

I’m safe.

But my soft bleeding heart is simply bleeding. She patches herself up for a few hours; strikes a bold pose to a couple of upbeat songs, then wilts as the day moves on. Until bedtime, when all the lonely ghosts inside drift up, casting around for comfort and to be held.

To be soothed, and lullabied. To be warmed, and heard.

To be safe.

‘There’s nothing to be done G. You’re alone, and all you’ve ever truly had is You.’

This I do know. As I said in my last post, I know I’ll survive. But the illusion of deep connection and comfort was compelling, so I danced right on in there, eyes shining and heart open.

*sighs

The extrication has been difficult, and a month long so far. I’m tired, overwrought, and wounded. Then today I found this song, articulating feelings I hadn’t even got to yet.

Thanks Universe, for helping me out.

At a time when so much is going drastically wrong on a global scale for so many, I also don’t have to deny my pain, or minimise ways of coping with it. I never was one to drink whiskey and drown sorrows, but this young Scottish singer clearly shares my mood:

Finn Anderson – Funeral (acoustic feat. Nic Gareiss)

Where would we be in these trying quarantine times without music & dance? Whoever would have thought a shoe shuffle could be so melancholy?

In gratitude for the gifts of love and Art, G xO

 

22 Comments

  1. I think that our modern times we expect everything quickly, or even worse “immediately”. Some things take time. My family and I were planting today and you just have to be patient. Some of the patches of ground where I needed to re-start grass are starting to show little green heads popping out. It’s exciting.
    I had another surgery two weeks ago. The stitches are out but it still hurts when I bump it, and soon they will operate again same spot to take more. It’s a process to get better, it takes time and I look forward to getting all done. By October I hope the healing will be done.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes indeed, slowly and carefully we go.
      Thank you for your comment, and for reminding me about being both patient and grateful.
      May you heal well, G 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Maybe the deep connection and comfort wasn’t an illusion. It was very real. And even though it seems temporary, the very real neurological, spiritual, and emotional changes it brought to you persist. In this way, the love continues to exist in you, though the relationship is relegated to a time stream in the past. But you, and many of the gifts of that comfort and connection, continue on in this time stream.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Omg what an amazing comment! You are so wise, & so right. Thank you so much Cathy, I’m so grateful for your insight 🙏🏼❤️

      Like

  3. I can’t imagine going through a breakup without songs, sad songs, angry songs, songs for dancing, songs for crying, songs for hope. 🙂
    Big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s