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Published on November 8, 2021
Comments 34

I don’t want to win the ‘Most Miserable Blogger’ award…

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No hair products needed here in Australia over 50's fashion self care

When I was 41, I asked my 6 yr old son for 3 words to describe me (for my online dating profile).

“Nice. Funny. Health-food-drama-Queen.”

Note his 2nd choice: ‘funny’. I use that word to describe myself, & even got employed to do that as an Events’ MC sometimes (in the old days before Covid when we did arty fun stuff regularly).

But I feel like the ‘funny’ has been sucked out of me, especially in the last year of lockdowns; Mum dying 4 months ago has also put a dampener on my comeback, even though restrictions are easing.

Four years ago when I had my ‘blogging intensive’ 1:1, the expert told me to be humorous, grammatically-correct at all times, and authentic. Yet I feel like I’m currently in danger of winning the ‘Most Miserable Blogger’ award, and I don’t want to!

No hair products needed here in Australia over 50's fashion self care


#over50style #fashionblogger #bedhair #goodlook @boneAndsilver

I just can’t fake the joy… and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing about the latest lesson learnt from my grieving.

Part of my self-care routine to find joy is dancing; this weekend, I got up at 3.30am to attend a dance workshop in LA via Zoom, that continues tomorrow morning at 5. We danced, breathed, rolled around, and cuddled ourselves with a soft blanket, all of which was fabulous. (It’s my long-standing spiritual practice, based on 5Rhythms, and I’m eternally grateful I’m a dancer.)

We had to share in trios what ‘Radical Self-Love’ looks like to us, and I found myself unexpectedly crying in front of complete strangers.

Without question, I love myself. At age 55, I’ve done a ton of work/therapy/learning/challenging/letting go, and sorting stuff out… but I’m not happy.

Well, I am within myself. Mostly. (We all have bad days weeks moments).

But the state of the world makes me want to HOWL.

For days on end.

So much is going to shit: the climate, the Haves/the HaveNots, the gender pay gap, the climate, inequality, the climate. Need I go on?

I’m losing my optimism. A friend once said of me ‘I’ve never seen you seriously committed to misery for long,’ and he was right, back then.

Now I feel like I’m sighing, complaining, and grinding my teeth about so many things, every day.

How do you younger folk deal with all this uncertainty? What advice do you fellow oldies (over 50) have for me? Or for the young ones?

What do I tell my 21 yr old when he asks me what I think of the world?

In gratitude for community support, and smart readers, G xO

34 Comments

  1. Q says

    It’s okay to be blue / angry / miserable sometimes. We all have periods like that. Hell, I had one that lasted over 5 years (with tiny breaks in there but not much). Usually they are a lot shorter.

    I mean, I’m sorry you are grieving your mom and the challenging state of the world. It feels like crap. But you will find your joy again. Things change, and your mood will too. I feel like one of my important life lessons (I’m also in my 50s) has been just that: everything changes. Impermanence is the greatest consistency we can expect. That’s both terrible and, sometimes, a relief.

    I like you posts even if they aren’t all upbeat. It’s really okay to be wherever you are right now.

    Sending good wishes!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Bless you 🙏🏼
      And thank you for reading me even when I’m blue 🙏🏼
      You’re right: everything changes & passes & evolves… thank you for your kind wishes 🙏🏼☺️

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. gigglingfattie says

    At 34, I feel like I’m a nice middle between you and your son. And honestly I don’t know how we deal with the world. I just try to focus on things I can control and not focus too much on the overwhelming things that are out of my grasp or influence.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. Writer of Words, etc says

    I was/still am sick to death of people shoving “be grateful for what you have” down my throat.

    I’m sick to death of being grateful for “my family, my health blah blah blah”. (Even though I am.)

    So I switched it up. I zoomed (sorry, wrong word, enough with the zoom) – focused in on tiny things that bring me joy. That’s what I was grateful for.

    Tiny things in a slice of time.

    It has to be enough, because as you say, the rest is overwhelming.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  4. nonsmokingladybug says

    Be yourself. Feel blue but snap out of it. Baby steps. Go for a walk, call an old friend, watch something that makes you giggle like a little girl. Write down the funniest thing you ever witnesses. Don’t dwell on being blue.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. Donna Cameron says

    Wish I had good advice. I’m dealing with much the same discouragement over the state of the world and my dim hopes for a future for our species. At this point, I’m mostly hoping that when we go, we don’t take the whole planet with us. Sorry, not helpful. What I try to do is focus on what I have control over: how I spend my time, where I put my attention, how I treat others, and trying to offer healing words. Also, trying to find beauty and laughter, and be part of a caring community. For what it’s worth, you’re not alone….

    Liked by 2 people

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  6. acflory says

    I’ve had to withdraw from most social media because the rage I feel is seriously unhealthy. I thought I was getting my cool back but a couple of days ago, someone said ‘Dictator Dan’ and I ended up shrieking at him. I apologised but…I don’t like human beings very much at the moment. Friends yes, everybody else? Not so much. The weird thing is, I used to be able to find the good in most people.

    Hang in there. There’s a kind of low grade insanity, and it’s infected us all, along with the virus. It /will/ pass. I hope. -hugs-

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
      • acflory says

        Yup. And we’re being pushed further and further apart by the day. I kept an eye on #auspol while on Twitter, and it definitely wasn’t a bubble. Both sides pretty equally represented. And no one giving an inch. No middle ground. No attempt to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. But the thing that made me froth at the mouth was the repetition of lie after lie. Seems no one wants to fact check any more.
        Anyway, I’m feeling better away from Twitter, that’s for sure.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  8. cathytea says

    Wait! The blogging consultant was full of BS. Authentic trumps funny anytime. You’re grieving. The world is in an existential murk, and we won’t know the outcome during our lifetimes. Most important thing to do is to care for yourself during grief. Don’t gaslight yourself or us. Don’t shove down your feelings. You’ll never be miserable because you’re beautiful, and grief, even at its most raw, even when it’s for the planet, even when it’s for lives and selves and dreams we’ve lost, is beautiful. Your readers will gain so much more from your authenticity than they will from attempts to be funny.

    I read another post this morning from someone about our same age who wondered when she could go back to being Mary Poppins. She can’t. The past few years have changed us. We can only emerge in our new forms, not by trying to put on our old masks. They no longer fit.

    Liked by 2 people

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  9. LA says

    You tell your 21 year old that there are things that are horrible and things that are great. Just like parents told their kids 50 years ago, and 100 years ago and 150 years ago. We just do our best to be good people and not hurt one another

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Oh that’s good LA. Great point- it’s a similar story isn’t it, just the dates have changed?

      Except there definitely wasn’t temperature rises like we have now, that scares me so much 😦

      But yes: trying to be a good person indeed ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  10. Dewy says

    This last lockdown has been particularly hard! I struggled to stay afloat. I’m from Melbourne. And recently joined the 50s club.
    So I go walkies. Spend time in the sun. I’ve been trying out new recipes as I do love to eat. I feel like I haven’t achieved much and that I’m wasting my days away.
    Yet I can’t seem to focus. I think the hormones have something to do with it. So am just taking one day at a time.
    Hope you find your mojo soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Dewy, I appreciate your similar experience & sharing- Melbs has done it so tough 😫. Walking & food are a bit like a religion to me, so I hear ya! Take care of yourself, G 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

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  11. Widdershins says

    ‘…I’m sure you’re tired of hearing about the latest lesson learnt from my grieving…’ – not true. there’s not enough talking about grief and loss in our culture. These things need to be Named, and who better to Name them than someone who’s going through it?
    Optimism isn’t going to change a damn thing and we know it, so lose the bloody thing. It’s not helping anyone.
    Now, that’s not to say life shouldn’t be enjoyed, plans made, lovers and children, (no matter if he is 21 😀 ) ought to be kissed and hugged. They need to be treasured even more fully than before. But the stark truth of the matter is that we have entered what amounts to an active war-zone.
    The battle rages around us, sometimes close to where we stand and sometimes further away, but it will be decades, and decades before any kind of global renewal is possible, this too we also know.
    Focus on creating your ‘island’, your sanctuary, because it will be that which enables you to tell your son your truth when he asks you about the world.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  12. Midlife Dating Adventures says

    We can’t all be happy all the time, and you’d be remarkably unusual if you were outrageously happy at this time in your life, given the state of affairs both politically and personally. Losing a significant loved one is going to mean a change of pace for a while, not to mention the impact of Covid responses worldwide, and to your livelihood. I won’t be voting you into the Most Miserable Blogger category, and I value your honest, relatable posts about a real person’s life and challenges.

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. Ellen Hawley says

    The world’s a terrifying place these days, for layer after layer of reasons. Add grief to that and it’s no wonder you’re staggering under the load. As someone said, small things. Small joys–things that get you through to the next minute, the next day. It’s not the same as hiding from the problems. We need to keep ourselves functioning if we’re to be any use–to ourselves, to others, to this poor old battered world we live on.

    Sending love.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      You are so right Ellen, & thank you so much for reading & commenting! I do feel like I’m staggering sometimes… but I think we all are aren’t we, as our stooooopid leaders keep NOT acting on climate change, & our poor young folk in all nations face uncertain scary futures…
      I appreciate your wise words, & am receiving the small joy of love from across the ocean, thank you 🙏🏼 G

      Liked by 1 person

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