All posts filed under: Love + Dating

Online dating adventures, plus love & relationship lessons

Episode 6: The first sighting

As some of you know, our first actual date was in Melbourne, just before Xmas, after 11 weeks of writing and drawing. That’s a lot of energy we’d both invested. We’d chatted, smiled, laughed, expressed, disagreed, argued, apologized, made up, dreamed, revealed, asked and answered, even gotten teary, all by email, text, and a couple of postal things. No phone calls. No Skype. We’d each had multiple profile pics up though, and had actually texted a few pics back and forth (‘me with cat/me with dog’) so both knew the other was basically physically attractive (yeah, neither of us is completely crazy that foolish that brave enough to blind date!) The day of our meeting dawned fine, not too hot (I admit I’d sacrificed a couple of virgin goats to the weather goddesses to ensure it wasn’t a 40 degree day). I had a favourite and comfortable outfit to wear (very important). We’d been in the same city for a couple of days before our 12 noon appointment under the main Flinders St train station …

Cracking shells

Online dating is fun. Staying single is also awesome. Being in relationship (for me) has usually ended up being too hard. One of my fellow online daters and Followers over at BackInStilettosAgain commented on my last post Episode 5 HERE that she didn’t know if she’d ever actually experienced true intimacy, or even knew what it was. That got me thinking… She was married for 12 years, with 2 children; I have one beautiful son ‘Almost17’, and have lived with 6 different partners since I was 19. Yet she and I both feel like we still haven’t experienced true intimacy- how can this be?? Intimacy is defined by various webpages as: “… The experience of emotional closeness. It occurs when two people are able to be open with one another, and reveal their true feelings, thoughts, fears and desires. This can only occur when both people are able to genuinely trust one another, and feel able to take the risk of being vulnerable.” [MensLine Australia] And: “… About being emotionally close to your partner, about being able …

Episode 5: Like an oldtime military overcoat

Our first date lasted two days. The 2nd one, four. The 3rd was five nights long, and so was the 4th, from which I’ve just returned. Mmmmmmmm. They kinda have to go for a long time, when we live so far apart… Nothing about this courtship and romance has been ‘as usual’. We began emailing Oct 4th, and didn’t actually meet in the flesh for 78 days. 11 weeks. That’s a looooonnnnnnggggggg time, especially in this age of instant gratification, with extreme technological resources. So how many times did we Skype/Facetime/Whats App video before our first date? None. Zero. Nil. Why? Because one of us really didn’t want to, despite occasional hints or suggestions from the other interested party, or the incredulity of workmates and friends. Let me give you a clue: it wasn’t me. I’m usually pretty forward in my romances; a combination of genuine Feminist confidence (I want to be FREE to do whatever I want, whenever I want), plus bravado to cover up my ubiquitous Crabby cautiousness or nerves. But this Melbourne …

Episode 4: Multiple choice

  Have you read Alain de Botton’s The Course of Love? Do it. I loved it, wolfing it down. It’s partly based on Attachment Theory, and crucially for H & I, Alain suggests we bring all our faults to our first date, rather than just our good stuff. Now because we were 1641kms apart, and I thought we’d never meet and therefore had nothing to lose, I invited H to tell me all their worst qualities, as an exercise for us both. ‘H’ said ‘Yes Lets’. And then wrote: ‘Wow, I’ve never EVER laid my shit on the table to anyone… OK… I’m going to be completely honest and leave not one thing out…’ Don’t worry, I won’t go on. But the point is, we swapped shitty stuff, and got an insight into deeper levels that don’t usually see the light of day so soon. Awesome. In Episode 3 HERE, I name-checked another book called Attached; I have to say I think it’s changed my life. Synchronistically, I was reading it when I first came …

Episode 3: From when do we count?

How do you decide your ‘anniversary’ date with your beloved? Is it the first time you meet? First kiss? First overnight stay? Wedding? So many significant times to choose from! We didn’t meet for over 2 months since that first cheeky profile swing by in early October. But somehow I still hold that as a precious beginning (such a romantic fool I admit). So today (Sat 4th) is 5 months since the hello… But we didn’t meet in the flesh till just before Xmas; would that be a more realistic date to celebrate? So much unfolded between October and December… And as crazy as it sounds (even to myself, tough cynic of a Crab that I can be sometimes), I was definitely already ‘feeling the love’ by the time we met. Even typing that makes me laugh out loud! After SO MUCH online dating, how the hell could I actually fall for someone I never met?? We’re all warned aren’t we, about online scammers, and doomed internet romances; we roll our eyes don’t we, thinking …

Episode 2: ‘Yes Lets’

It was pretty clearly stated on my dating profile: “I travel for various gigs, often to Brisbane or the Gold Coast, so don’t let geography keep you away from me- no further than that though sorry.” But still I clicked on a message in early October last year which read: “I guess H* is too far away then? 🙂 Great profile” I smiled. Cheeky. Replied: “It’s probably not a good sign that I’ve never heard of it. Sorry. Best of luck on here :)” And that should have been that, shouldn’t it? Except a week later I was bored, and there had been no new messages from anyone anywhere, so I clicked on that visitor profile, wishing I knew where the hell H* actually was… and found myself smiling as I read it, admiring the unique layout & phrases they’d used. Interesting, and a bit quirky. Plus the pics: all cute (although only 3/10 were smiling). Almost as cute as one of mine: I checked Google maps on my phone… Oh, H* really is that far …

Episode 1. Cardinal rule: broken

I’m an online dating Queen. I have no shame in saying that, and have been having a great time since 2010. It’s the perfect way to mend a broken heart/find romance/explore taboos/have fun/find love/make new friends/get laid/connect/learn. I’m a strong advocate of it for women, especially anyone approaching 50 or over who’s sitting at home alone, wondering where all the good dates are. Don’t go to waste: tuck yourself up in bed with your pjs, grab your laptop, and start cruising. Don’t get me wrong; I love being single too, and certainly living by myself… But a little bit of attention and interaction from someone cute never goes astray does it? I reckon I’ve got online dating down to a fine art after all these years, and within 10 minutes of talking to someone in real life who’s saying they would like to try it, I can tell which website they should be using. That’s because I’ve tried them all, and am familiar with who else is using which ones, and thus what types of …

Prepare to lie. Prepare to buy. Prepare to die. Part Three.

No one wants to die right? Unless you’re in intense pain, physical or psychological. We all know we’re going to die eventually, although a lot of time, effort and money go into denying that. I’m sure we all hope we die peacefully, in our sleep, in good health, aged over 90… Or the majority of us anyway. I turned 50 last year, as I’m sure many of you have too. There comes with this birthday a realization that I’m probably more than half way through my time on this earth, and certainly the most energetic, adventurous, undefeatable half. Now my back aches if I try to camp & sleep on the beach, plus I feel the burden of mortgages and school fees cramping my style if I get the urge to up and travel to South America on a whim for example. Oh how the freedoms and vitality of the youth is under-appreciated by them! Now that I’m half a century old, I’m pretty sure I’m never going to do many things I dreamt of …

I seem to have packed my routines as well

Ah yes, the freedom of Travel with a capital T: being ready for anything, meeting anyone, changing plans in an instant. No work commitments, no diary appointments, no regular routines getting in the way of spontaneous adventure… When we first arrived in the Barn, I was finishing a 2-month ‘cleanse’ of no sugar, almost no wheat, minimal carbs, and various herb concoctions before and after eating (on the advice of both a doctor and naturopath, trying to deal with a water-borne parasite I’d picked up somewhere- Hello Blasto 😦 ). Within a week I was having fresh bread spread with unsalted butter and homemade jam for breakfast, or croissants and pain au chocolat; incredibly rich and varied omelets for lunch followed by more cheese and bread; chicken or fish with garlic potatoes for dinner, finished with more cheese of course. The other day I even drank a glass of champagne in the afternoon, which honestly for me is the equivalent of Keith Richards going on a three-week bender. So we can say I’m letting loose …