adventures, personal, writing
Comments 15

‘You have such a three-year pattern! Look at yourself, for god’s sake!’

The door slams. It’s 1994, in a hot Sydney summer, when even the fat cockroaches in our slummy student house look a bit sweaty. My friend R has left the living room, but her dark mood and comment lingers. I frown back, staring down her words. Am I really a 3-year addict? Does it matter? Obviously it does to her, but I’m not feeling that distressed.

The sink pipe knocks as usual while I pour myself a glass of water; is our hopeless landlord ever going to fix that? Well, it won’t matter anyway, if I move out… I’ve lived here for a while now, and it feels like time for a change… to the beach maybe, over at Bondi.

How long has it been, this inner city dwelling? Nearly 3 years of hot pavements, squashed terrace houses with fragrant frangipanis, the endless hum of cars and their exhaust fumes. Before that, it was a scruffy flat in Coffs Harbour, with greasy carpets, and peeling paint on all the weatherboards and windows. Did I live there for long? I moved a few times, from my soon-to-be-ex boyfriend’s parents’ house when we came back completely broke from Canada, to a caravan with a wide deck under a massive fig tree, to a couple of shared flats with other single women looking for fun like me…

Hmm. Is there a pattern? Do I need to look at it? It’s 1994, I’m 28; isn’t Life about changes, transitions, new adventures?

I’m yet to go to Uni, move into a circus warehouse with 10 other people, grow dreadlocks then shave my head at 30, begin performing and creating, move to Northern NSW to study dance, start a mixed ability dance theatre company with my best friend, have a baby, leave his Dad, get a girlfriend, go back to boys, hurt my back badly for the 3rd time, turn 40 in an old barn in France, move to Adelaide to study Pilates and make adult puppetry shows, lose my Dad, suffer Depression, explore Polyamory, move back to near Byron Bay, turn 50 in Paris with an amazing and challenging woman… then fall in love online with ‘H’, the best of both worlds. My list goes on. The list of Changes, Patterns [and potential juicy blogposts : ) ]…

What about you? Have you noticed your patterns? Are they helpful, or destructive? Have you ever thought about your habits of making changes… or not changing?


  1. I think I am noticing my pattern and I want to believe that once I start making my own changes that they will be for the better. I’m yet to find out…
    I truly enjoyed reading this though evoking post but then I always do love coming to your site and that is one of the reasons I wanted to pay homage and say thank you. I nominated you for the lovely blog award but there is no pressure if this is not your thing. Just wanted to include you and send more readers your way. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for commenting! I’m glad it resonated for you : )
      And thanks for the blog award nomination; I’ve seen them floating around… not sure if it’s my thing… But I’ll definitely check it out, thank you : )

      Liked by 1 person

      • No worries and you are very welcome. Don’t feel obligated just keep as Roda would say. I feel better to have included you and whether you you choose to participate or not, I love that more people have the chance to discover your message.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I found the pattern extremely interesting but I have no idea what mine is. Maybe I should write things down on a timeline. I’m curious!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s an interesting idea for you to try… I’m definitely a changer! Moved around a lot as a child, so that probably began the pattern there… thanks for commenting and good luck investigating 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel like I’ve come full circle with my finances. Starving college student and college grad living in poverty while paying off my debt to very comfortable single (once I paid off said debt) to very comfortable married. Now I’m back to struggling again… this time as a single parent. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hello out there… I am trying to connect with you but although I’m getting messages from you on the other hand you are getting that weird message. I will never give up…obsessed with mysteries of the ‘net.

    Liked by 1 person

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