I slept so badly last night, here in Australia, acutely aware that back in England, my Mum was [hopefully] being assessed by a community health care team (previous post explains HERE). I’m writing this now as I wait to hear outcomes from my cousin ‘C’, who kindly took the day off work to be there as well.
I woke up to scroll my Facebook feed, which is full of #MeToo. SO MANY WOMEN. I keep saying ‘Not you too? And you! OMG it’s nearly everyone.’
Then I see the hurricane has hit Ireland, the wildfires blaze on in California, Puerto Ricans are drinking contaminated water, and North Korea has threatened Australia for aligning with America.
For fuck’s sake, this is NOT normal. Or rather, this is NOT what I want my ‘normal’ to be. I can feel the anxiety squeezing my head and chest; I have a low-grade churning in my belly that’s been there for days now. And yes, I’m still cooking dinner, feeding the cat, helping with English homework, and making vague plans for the Xmas holidays.
But I feel pretty shit. Acutely aware of my privilege, my pretty wonderful life, my access to all the resources I need (apart from same sex marriage in Australia, if I ever wanted to do that). This throbbing in the back of my skull cannot possibly compare to the grief and stress of a Puerto Rican mother trying to keep her baby clean, or of a family who’ve lost their entire livelihood and home to fire, or been shot in Las Vegas, blown up in Somalia, buried in Mexico.
I know that.
Where’s all our ‘normals’ gone? Everything is shattering, falling, melting, drowning.
Yet for so many humans, ‘normal’ is always shit… worse than shit…
But if I keep looking at that right now, I may explode.
So I tuck my head down, and look for my ‘ordinary’ jacket; it must be round here somewhere; maybe Mum’s got it? Oh, wait, no, she’s lost it…
And so it goes on.
PS: I’m sorry for the negativity of this post (usually I’m pretty upbeat I believe), but I don’t know what else to do right now, plus I took a vow to be ‘bone-true’ in my tales on here. Any suggestions gratefully received xx