All posts tagged: dating advice

Thanks dear friend: the relationship end CAN indeed be a good thing

One of my dearest friends (who is actually a proper, published ‘writer’), still finds the time to follow most of my news by reading my little blog. Thanks H! She’s in a very longterm, very committed relationship, and is one of my inspirations in that regard. She calls me once in a while, or we meet on the beach for a walk and non-stop talk, while I update her on all my romantic gossip and adventures. Today she sent me this article called ‘A Non-Tragic View of Breaking Up’  , who’s opening paragraph drew me right in: News of the end of relationships tends to be greeted with deep solemnity in our societies; it is hard not to think of a breakup except in terms of a minor tragedy. People will offer condolences as they might after a funeral. This in turn reflects an underlying philosophy of love: we are taught that the natural and successful outcome of any love story should be to seek to remain with a person until their or our death and …

Interview with bone&silver

Originally posted on (Midlife) Adventures in 21st Century Dating & Mating:
True tales over 50 (Love for self, the planet and that tricky teen) – by the infamous and wonderful, G This is another in my regular series of in-depth and (hopefully) insightful interviews with bloggers who write on the topics of female sexuality, midlife adventures or dating in the modern age. You can find others here, here, here, here and here. G of bone&silver Firstly G, I’d love to know the backstory of your blog – why you started it, when, and what your goals were? Do ideas for topics just come to you or do you carefully prepare? Where does the name of your blog come from and what’s its significance for you? My blog started as a motivator to write more regularly. I’d kept a couple in the past (one on puppetry, and one on dealing with the loss of my Dad, and whether to read his personal journals or not), but wanted more freedom to write about whatever cropped up. I started bone&silver…

Two comets dancing

I’m sitting here smiling with the cat at that post title. The attraction dance continues, slowly turning as we tangle in each other’s tails, sparks flying off the edges. [Not me and the cat; me and her.] Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to comment with advice on my last post, it was super helpful. A couple of real life friends kinda told me off for being too personal, and asked me if I was being a self-indulgent narcissist? *gulp. I don’t think so. I was reaching out for support and wisdoms which I didn’t feel I had to give myself, and the call was answered by my awesome blogging buddies. It was a personal post, but that’s the point round here. I’m trying to respond honestly to whatever’s going on, and use it as a stimulus for writing/creativity/art/connection- sometimes it’s ’17’, sometimes it’s politics, and sometimes it’s sex/love. So be it. And as I pointed out to my [wonderfully loving] yet challenging friends: if my post helped ONE person with …

Hello old friend, Online Dating. You are fun, but you make me cranky too

So yes, single again, healed again, ready to launch myself into the love trenches once more. I started online dating in 2009/10, and do consider myself a bit of a legend at it. BUT, and this is a big but, why have other people not gotten better at it over these years? What’s the matter with people?? Where are the simple manners, the initiative, the actual reading of the profile where it says “Don’t message me if you’re in America”? *sighs I guess there’s always new folk finding themselves divorced or lonely, and heading online rather than to the now-defunct singles bar- does anyone over 50 actually go out anymore, cruising clubs? Anyway, no matter who I’m messaging with, male/female/gender-fluid/non-committal etc, PLEASE follow these 3 simple rules: Actually read my profile- I spent ages getting it clear, concise, and appealing, plus articulating boundaries: no one from overseas, interstate, or currently looking for a serious monogamous relationship. Also, I don’t love sport, nor eating animals; no need to read between the lines there, JUST READ THE DAMN …

Remember our 3 Dwarves of relationship attachment? Meet the 4th: ‘Diffy’

I’m not a relationship guru by any means. Aged 51 now, and still never married, nor wanting to be. The longest relationship I’ve had is approx 3 years, with a whole bunch of quick romances and much solo time in the mix. But this last year has eased change into many of those old patterns like a soft new thread, specifically after reading Levine’s ‘Attached’, and ‘The Course of Love’ by Alain de Botton. Plus meeting ‘H’ too. (If you’re new round here, you probably need to read THIS to catch up). I’ve been studying relationship dynamics, specifically Attachment Theory, as it casts so much light into dark corners I’ve been hiding from since being a young girl, which I’m also exploring in therapy and other reading material. One of my favourite posts on bone&silver is The 3 Dwarves of Attachment: Grumpy, Stressy & Happy ; well worth reading to get you up to speed on our three main attachment styles (Avoidant/Anxious/Secure), with clues as to which one is yours. I believe I’ve done an honest job …

relationships, online dating, raising a teenager, over 50, positive ageing

Is it a pothole or cliff? Measuring the drama of your argument

Main Attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Secure Most regular readers know I had a Bumpy time with ‘H’ on the last interstate visit, and you were all so supportive and encouraging, many thanks. Long distance relationships can be a challenge indeed. It took a lot of patience not to have an immediate, dramatic reaction myself, and now that we’re all snuggly and cute again [phew!], I’ve been reflecting on how it felt as it happened. As I previously wrote HERE on ‘Bread & butter vs death’, there is a biological reaction to that disagreement with your beloved. Once triggered, your attachment system will flood you with the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. It takes approximately 20 minutes for your body to process and dilute these chemicals to return to normal, (a little longer for men), so going for a walk or taking ‘time out’ is actually a fantastic idea. But what’s actually caused the triggering? In a nutshell, a serious argument is received as a threat to our safety. I’m not talking about the simple ‘bread & butter’ …

Episode 1. Cardinal rule: broken

I’m an online dating Queen. I have no shame in saying that, and have been having a great time since 2010. It’s the perfect way to mend a broken heart/find romance/explore taboos/have fun/find love/make new friends/get laid/connect/learn. I’m a strong advocate of it for women, especially anyone approaching 50 or over who’s sitting at home alone, wondering where all the good dates are. Don’t go to waste: tuck yourself up in bed with your pjs, grab your laptop, and start cruising. Don’t get me wrong; I love being single too, and certainly living by myself… But a little bit of attention and interaction from someone cute never goes astray does it? I reckon I’ve got online dating down to a fine art after all these years, and within 10 minutes of talking to someone in real life who’s saying they would like to try it, I can tell which website they should be using. That’s because I’ve tried them all, and am familiar with who else is using which ones, and thus what types of …