Love + Dating
Published on April 10, 2018
Comments 37

Me Monday: Why I’m writing on my forehead with a texta

written by
Keeping online dating casual over 50

Reminding myself I’m only available for casual dates #over 50 #onlinedating #romance #fun @boneAndsilver

I’m freshly-single again, at 51. My heart is certainly bruised, yet my spirit remains cheery, and ever-curious. I haven’t come out of a long marriage (I can’t imagine how hard that would be to untangle yourself from), but after a suitable period of mourning my last relationship change- I’m not writing ‘loss’ or ‘failure’ because I don’t believe that’s what’s happened-, I’m popping my head up above the damp heartbreak trenches, and wondering who’s out there?

But emotionally, I’m definitely not fully available. I don’t think it’s too soon- I have been processing hard HERE, but there’s only one way to find out…

So, as I carefully word new dating profiles, avoiding the site I met ‘H’ on, I am stating clearly that I only want fun, casual dates for now, thanks. And certainly non-monogamous: this woman needs a little bit of adventure.

I did have a moment of deep sadnesss, realizing I was back on the dating roundabout once more… until I got a few interesting messages from various potentials, reminding me I was good at this game, and that there is much fun to be had…

If the Universe wants me to be back in circulation, then so be it- who am I to deny my fate?

And as I’ve written before, I think online dating is a wonderfully liberating activity, especially if you’re over 50, and needing to explore your conditioning around sex, needs, communication, and love.

Thus I’m clambering back on the horse, or dipping my toes back into the water, whichever metaphor works best for you. But I do need to write that phrase about ‘casual fun only’ on my forehead in texta, to clearly inform my dates, but also to remind myself every time I look in the mirror.

Unless you have a better suggestion or technique?

In gratitude for the world wide web, and all the dating opportunity it offers, G xO

 

37 Comments

  1. curioussteph says

    Maybe you can write it going both forward and backwards–legible for both yourself and any dates? Of course, that may be a screening technique of its own. . .

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply
      • Coyote from Orion says

        Probably always so long as you are mindful of the road and its characteristics.
        New moon next Monday so good for new beginnings.
        Mercury direct again Sunday to end current retro cycle…
        Am reading about Tony Robbins in this morning’s paper. I have never known what to make of him. I agree with the columnist when she says that for those of us who have survived sexual abuse, vengeance is often the last thing on our minds.
        So called experts making money from things they’ve never been through… meh…
        You wouldn’t believe how many greenhorns have assessed me monosyllabically about multiple loss and trauma. I guess it’s easy when they get paid to say it and equally untested space cadets line up to pay them.
        If only Heath Ledger’s mates hadn’t been so caught up having fun and getting high of his talent and spirit. They may have heard him. Just like Mick Jagger “grieved really hard for 2 weeks” then moved on when his girlfriend committed suicide. What a man. He could work for the AFL with a public face like that….
        Which of course is our rising sign or ascendant. AC

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • bone&silver says

          I hear ya Coyote, sorry to hear of your trauma & challenges. Mr Robbins creeps me out, always has.

          To really hear & see each other is the greatest challenge, and the sweetest gift when it works.

          Take care, & thank you as always for commenting & sharing ❤

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
  6. gigglingfattie says

    Entering back into online dating is both exciting and nerve wracking! I’m glad I’m not there right now haha. I hope you get to have your fun and meet some amazing people along the way, G! You totally deserve it!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. jrose88 says

    Good luck! The last time I did online dating… well, I met my current partner. But the summer before that there was a girl I was chatting online with a lot, and apparently she thought we were dating when I just considered us getting to know each other? It was very odd. I don’t know if I could do a relationship that starts primarily as an extended online interaction before meeting in person. How do you navigate that?

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      That does sound a bit tricky and weird… I’m not gonna do extended email exchanges again- I’m certainly more interested in the ‘real life’ experience

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  9. Matt Berger says

    There is something so wonderfully old-school about writing on your forehead.

    Nell and I actually met over the Internet, on the now-defunct Friendster. She wrote to me, brave fool that she was. When we married, I sent a Thank You to the former work colleague who convinced me to join Friendster in the first place.

    Note that I met Nell when I was 39, after quite the roller-coaster dating history. There is no such thing as too old in the dating world (or the career-change world, for that matter).

    Your bravery inspires.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      That’s such a lovely story Matt, thank you. While I currently have no desire to settle down, I do love hearing how other partnerships began, especially if online dating is involved.

      Thank you for your encouragement, & for finding me ‘brave’; I love how we support each other round here 😊
      Blessings to you (& Nell), G 😊

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  10. Unleashing the Cougar says

    Maybe ask the universe for whatever is right for you. It doesn’t need to be so specific. I try not to limit what comes into my life by overthinking it too much, or over-hoping it is one thing and not another. I am paused with baited breath on your journey 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      You know, that’s actually really good advice… I did suddenly realize I was being pretty rigid and controlling in my approach. You’re so smart Cougar, thank you 😊👍🏼💪🏼

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  12. Jad says

    I have a love hate relationship with online dating….but at the end of the day most of my experiences have been positives that FAR outweighed the negatives!!
    I met some amazing people, Mon Capitaine and the Pink Panther included as well as some other men who are still in my life as friends.
    Good luck G, I just know that your positivity and approach is sure to net you some fun times and give you the opportunity to meet some interesting people.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Jad; I’d have to echo that comment exactly myself, and am certainly hoping to have some new adventures I can blog about 😘🔥

      Like

      Reply
  13. Trace-Blogs says

    You’ll be right, you’re a hotty 🙂 oh and it helps that you’re super intelligent, witty and funny. Just remember your worth. Some people in the online dating world are shady AF.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
      • TheFeatheredSleep says

        I’m wishing your heart a beautiful new companion my friend you’re braver than I, if I found myself single at this juncture in my life I wouldn’t be near as brave and being a very monogamous type I wouldn’t suit the slick fast paced dalliance of modern queer society, so you rock it in my stead girl!

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

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