Love + Dating
Published on May 10, 2018
Comments 39

The best boundary for casual online dating over 50? Listening to yourself

written by
Vintage 3-piece wool suit has me strutting my stuff over 50 online dating

Seems like blondes CAN have more fun #over50 #onlinedating #romance #sexover50 @boneAndsilver

So I’m back out there in the dating world, and quickly connected with someone local. Plus someone in Brisbane. And someone else fairly nearby. Go G! My profile is clear though: with my bruised heart, all I want is casual fun, a bit of exploring and play, and definitely non-monogamy for now.

One person usually rises up above the rest, in terms of attention or connection; messages sometimes fly (or crawl) back and forth, and I totally go with the flow, without too much expectation if possible (the key to online dating in my experience). I like to be spontaneous, so if someone is free on the day (or evening) I am, I’m up for meeting- this is definitely easier when dating women rather than men, when I had to be more safety-conscious.

Now, I’m only 3 months out of a serious, loving and important relationship, thus I need to protect my heart; I don’t want to sit at home grieving any longer, but nor do I want to fall in love or get too involved too soon.

So how do I control that? No sleepovers.

I’m a light sleeper anyway, and now that I’m making my way through the menopause, with occasional warm/hot flushes, and restless nights as I toss and turn, I’ve found that it brings too much intimacy by spending the night.

How did I work that out? Well, by meeting someone lovely, spending several hours talking and walking, then going home to her place for a cuppa, which led to the awkward first kiss and onwards… till I lay awake at midnight thinking ‘F*ck, I have to get out of here! She’s not my ex, and I don’t want to snuggle and wake up soft and sleepy with this stranger, sweet, kind and funny though she is…’

So I did. Which was kinda weird for both of us, stumbling round in the dark, trying to be polite and understanding, without trampling any delicate feelings.

But we’d talked about ‘H’, so it was all very clear, and it felt like the next big challenge I had to meet, post-break-up.

Proud to support the new wave of women in power by online dating over 50

Seems like blondes CAN have more fun #over50 #onlinedating #romance #sexover50 @boneAndsilver

I could have stayed there dozing. I could have suppressed the tears I wanted to shed quietly, as I drove home in the foggy night, realising I’d shifted something profound yet necessary. I could have denied the sadness and relief I was feeling, but then I wouldn’t be being true to myself, and through all this goddamn heartbreak and mourning, that’s all I’m actually trying to do.

I’m too old to be doing anything else now.

It all turned out just fine by the way. I explained the next day, she understood, and we’ve had several more fun and playful dates which have been good for both of us at this time. Online dating isn’t easy, and sometimes it’s incredibly frustrating, as fellow daters can testify, but the opportunity to learn about, and listen to yourself, cannot be underestimated.

In gratitude for heart whispers, softly-listening ears, and the courage to take action, G xO

39 Comments

  1. Donnalee says

    It sounds like you’re doing great with this and having compassion for yourself and the others. Great outfit too–enjoy, and I’m so glad you’re trying to take care of yourself.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Donnalee; I’m taking it all slowly, but yes, taking care of self and others is very important, and I appreciate your positive feedback (& yes, how good is that outfit!??) xx

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  2. L. Rorschach says

    The first time with someone new after romantic heartbreak is so emotionally gut-wrenching. Hugs to you! I’m glad you’re honoring your feelings and taking it slow. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  3. RhapsodyBoheme says

    First of all, you look amazing given the heartache you just recently experienced. I’m so sorry G and I’m sending a big hug your way. I can’t even imagine online dating, but with any new relationship there are trials and errors, phases of getting to know each other and awkward moments. You are smart and beautiful, all will work out how it is intended to. Sending a giant hug your way.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  4. curioussteph says

    well, you are feeling your way through this, quite literally and trusting yourself. Well done–a fine example. And it looks like theres fun with the grief–a true life process. Great suit!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  5. gigglingfattie says

    Aww this is sad and sweet! I’m glad that you are getting back out there and that you are finding some fun times 🙂 but it sucks that it comes with emotions and feelings connected to H. Keep staying positive, G! 💛

    Ps: you totally slayed in that suit! I love your style!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Yes, that’s a perfect way to sum it up T, you’re onto it as usual. I do feel mostly positive, but the waves of sadness still roll in softly sometimes, of course.

      Unless I’m wearing my fab suit. And then I’m just slayin’ it all over hey!? I love it that you get the instant updates via Insta first ; ) xx

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  9. Unleashing the Cougar says

    I like your new mindset and I agree. I never do sleepovers (for obvious reasons) but when I very occasionally was able to, I almost never slept. That’s another issue of course and the real reason that you so wisely point out, is the false elevation of intimacy. Only one criticism G, I am noticing a creeping in of the term ‘old’ and various others – stamp that thinking out! You’re not in your 70s yet 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Lol, oops, good point Eve, thanks so much! I stand corrected 👍🏼

      And yes, I’m glad you can relate to the false intimacy thing- it took me a few years to put my finger on it precisely 👍🏼

      PS: was finally working on your questions today- should finish them tmrw 😊👍🏼

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  10. Alexis Rose says

    I absolutely love your bravery and self-compassion. Good for you for listening to your bruised heart, and still letting yourself heal, have fun and open to possibilities. You’ve got this! 🌻

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  14. Fozzie says

    What a great story. Online dating has created so many more options and opportunities. However, you do have to have a thick skin but the rewards can be great and there is something out there for everyone, whatever their needs. I hope it continues to go well for you and that you continue to have fun.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Fozzie- I’ve learnt so much, and yes, whatever you want: it’s out there. I’ve found some lovely (& naughty) folk I never would have come across otherwise, and learnt a lot about my own needs at the same time. It just all has to be taken with ‘a pinch of salt’ I reckon, and I do appreciate your comment 🙂 G

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

Leave a comment