Love + Dating
Published on May 1, 2018
Comments 34

I conquered a big post-break up challenge, and am kinda proud of myself

written by
A cute derelict cottage on my early morning walk

Not my Airbnb #cottage #Melbourne #grateful

As most of you know, my beloved ex ‘H’ lived in Melbourne, while I’m up near Byron Bay, so regular flights up and down were a strong pattern in our relationship. Since our break up end of Feb, I’ve been slowly but steadily mourning then recovering… and I just survived a huge test: I spent a long weekend in Melbourne with my best friend R, who lives there now.

I will admit, it wasn’t easy. I was almost in tears at the airport before I left, knowing ‘H’ wasn’t going to pick me up. I felt really sad and flat, but of course could express that to R, who understood and reassured me. Thank goodness for wise friends hey?

I had to battle myself almost every hour not to text ‘H’ (we’ve had pretty much no contact since agreeing we were through), and being left alone in my Airbnb was the most dangerous time… but luckily it was a quirky place, so there were a few items to distract me.

Fancy hangers are just not my style over 50 in Australia in my Airbnb

People like these. For real. #hangers #australia #airbnb #over50traveller @boneAndsilver

R and I kept ourselves busy, dancing up a 5Rhythms storm, and I reminded myself to breathe deeply every time I felt the pull to reach out to ‘H’; there were several very good reasons why we decided not to continue our connection, of course, and I just had to calm down my nostalgic, romantic yearnings, I knew that.

It was a tough fight! I wanted to melt into the sweet memory of being ‘in love’, and wallow full of dreamy plans for the future. Remaining in the Now, and truly feeling the reality of the valid choices I’ve made, was not nearly as much fun.

But I did it.

And now I’m back home, with a delighted snoring cat, who apparently missed me so much he needs to sleep on my bed all day just to get over the trauma.

My snoring cat is the best sound and feeling

This creature brightens my world #cat #love #selfcare #gratitude #australia @boneAndsilver

I can feel my heart is a little tender still; but today I’m going to play my essential break up thriving song, and have a dance in the living room… Do you have a favourite tune you could share with me?

Gloria Gaynor

In gratitude for disco, which always makes everything better, and softly snoring cats, G xO 

 

34 Comments

  1. jrose88 says

    Recessional by Vienna Teng, or Murder of One by Counting Crows. Or anything by Vienna Teng, really. I’m a fan of the bittersweet.

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  2. Matt Berger says

    Late in 1992, after a series of absurd romantic misadventures, I made an entire “Anger Mix” (yeah, I had some issues then) cassette. The cornerstone track was Phil Collins’ “I Don’t Care Anymore.” Nobody plays drums quite as cathartically as Mr. Collins, in my estimation.

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  3. curioussteph says

    big deal, revisiting Melbourne. Glad it went well, and that you allowed yourself to feel the emotions and impulses, even as you didn’t call/text.

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Widds- I mean, the verses don’t really suit our scenario, but man, that chorus always kicks arse, no matter what!! In fact, I’m gonna put it on again right now. And I’m sending you an email- you were on my mind, and you helped me a lot, without even knowing it, so thanks xO

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  5. gigglingfattie says

    So proud of you G! I’m not sure I could be as strong as you are. I have a summer job working with a different family exactly in the same neighbourhood of my ex from last summer (even though we ended things in October, we didn’t really break until mid-Jan) and I am terrified of running into him or seeing the places we went to. I’ll try to remember this post and be brave!

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    • bone&silver says

      T, I would absolutely hate to run into ‘H’, but we were miles away from anywhere s/he might be, so I did feel safe. No way could I go to the same suburb, not yet. So don’t worry, we all have our time limits and bravery limits xx

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      • gigglingfattie says

        I’m glad you had a fun time with your friend! And those hangers are totally amazing hehe.

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      • gigglingfattie says

        Gah…send button! But yes, definitely limits to bravery! I have a love/hate relationship with testing my own limits lol

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  6. Inside The Rainbow says

    When my first marriage ended it was me who ended it. Without going into detail, it was necessary and overdue by about ten years. We were married for 20. My ex husband didn’t treat me very well, but I loved him – probably too much, which was why it took so long to let him go, but when I did, there was grief. A palpable sense of loss, despite how bad things were in the end. The song that I played over and over at that time was Bad Dream by Keane.
    “I wake up, it’s a bad dream
    No one on my side
    I was fighting
    But I just feel too tired to be fighting
    Guess I’m not the fighting kind
    Wouldn’t mind it
    If you were by my side
    But you’re long gone
    Yeah you’re long gone now”
    Break ups hurt, even when the love has gone out of them. Big hugs X

    Liked by 1 person

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    • bone&silver says

      Oh bless you, and thank you so much for sharing that. 20 years is a long time… but sometimes, the end just has to happen doesn’t it, despite the oncoming pain? And I so hope you’re happy and out the other side of it now? I only had 18 months to get over, but it felt like a big one : /

      Every song helps, and I’m off to YouTube now, thank you xx G

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  8. colettebytes says

    Oh, well done! 🙂

    I had never heard of 5Rhythms, but looking at the website, it looks a bit expensive for the UK workshops. However one in Manchester mentioned Gabriel Roth… How weird… I just happen to have a CD of his somewhere, from a purchase years ago. I found his deep chanting style and frenzied beats quite hypnotic.
    I hope your dancing gave you joy!🙏

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Colette- there are usually regular drop in classes in big towns for only 15 or 20 pounds usually- I go to a big fun one in London when I’m there visiting Mum- so I’m sure you’d find one if you searched closer to you on Google.

      That is an interesting coincidence that you have a CD- her name was Gabrielle Roth but she worked with various musicians so the deep chanting may or may not have been her! She had a deep voice 😊
      Put it on and have a dance! Blessings, G 🌈

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Eve… yes, I can imagine there are reasons for keeping hangers like that- such a quaint, old-fashioned look- just seemed a bit out of place in the Airbnb?! But maybe they were from the grandmother… 😏

      Like

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  14. zlotybaby says

    Well done! I’m sorry to hear about your break up. I haven’t been blogging for a while so also no blog reading. I need to catch up on your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. Madeline Johnson says

    I just stumbled upon your post here and I loved reading this. I have just started dancing – every morning Misty Tripoli’s Groove dance – so fun – and I want to try 5Rythyms. Looking forward to reading more!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • bone&silver says

      Hello & welcome! I hope you enjoy my various posts and adventures- and oh boy, dancing is the best isn’t it? You will easily find a 5Rhythm class if you Google- enjoy- it’s a moving meditation- I love it so much. Thank you for reading & commenting, G 😊

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