My son ’17’ and I just sat down to the yummiest vegetarian nachos I’ve ever made (why was it so good?? I did the same as always)
About halfway through the meal, we were talking about his plans for 2019, once he’s finished school at the end of this year (fingers crossed), when suddenly he asked me what I was going to do?
I’ve no idea. Since he was five, and first started at that earnest Steiner kindergarten with the massive tree in the playground, and the cute soft toys with no faces, I’ve been making lunches and healthy snacks, washing uniforms, and cajoling homework demands…
Thirteen years of school-based predictability and rhythm; everything dictated by the calendar of classroom timetables and holidays.
Now the future stretches before me, and while I smile at the prospect of freedom, I’m also swamped with sadness at the end of such comfortable routines, and a
mild growing panic at the arrival of the huge unknown.
Why, I could do anything couldn’t I? Anything. Like, move to Sydney or Melbourne, or hell, New York or Bali. I could enrol at university, or take up Buddhist studies. Become a potter, or write a book [for how long have I been saying that??]
I could volunteer abroad, or rent a cheap apartment in Paris, and get a job in a vegan café [OK, that last one appeals quite a lot].
Oh my goodness, what am I going to do? I’ve spent so long coaxing him towards this final year of study and exams, determined to fill him full of fresh water, good meals, and a wide range of future options, that I never truly understood that I too would gain a similar chance for re-invention.
I’m suddenly excited, and
slightly fairly terrified.
I guess I had vaguely assumed I would move down to Melbourne to be with my ex ‘H’, so now that I’m on my own, I’m really, literally on my own aren’t I?
What am I going to do? What would you do? Or have you done? Suggestions welcome, as ever…
In gratitude for homemade food, and the hope that our children will always come back for that, no matter where we are living, G xO