Me: Honey, I’m going to cook all your favourite foods for these 2 last weeks of your exams OK? Any requests? 18: Great Mum, thanks! Veggie lasagna… nachos… tofu laksa… oh and your apple & rhubarb crumble for dessert, such a treat. Me: You got it babe. I’ll do anything if it helps you actually do some study. [Spends almost 2 weeks cooking (including exponentially improving fruit crumbles/washes up/wipes up/empties bins/feeds cat/does all remaining chores silently so as not to stress out revising son & various visiting ‘study mates’] Me (leaving for work): Can you save me some of today’s crumble please, it’s my best one yet? Me (returning from work a mere 3 hours later):
My son ’17’ and I just sat down to the yummiest vegetarian nachos I’ve ever made (why was it so good?? I did the same as always) About halfway through the meal, we were talking about his plans for 2019, once he’s finished school at the end of this year (fingers crossed), when suddenly he asked me what I was going to do? *gulp I’ve no idea. Since he was five, and first started at that earnest Steiner kindergarten with the massive tree in the playground, and the cute soft toys with no faces, I’ve been making lunches and healthy snacks, washing uniforms, and cajoling homework demands… Thirteen years of school-based predictability and rhythm; everything dictated by the calendar of classroom timetables and holidays. Now the future stretches before me, and while I smile at the prospect of freedom, I’m also swamped with sadness at the end of such comfortable routines, and a mild growing panic at the arrival of the huge unknown. Why, I could do anything couldn’t I? Anything. Like, move to Sydney or Melbourne, …
Me *spluttering defensively: Where did you see that? Him: It doesn’t matter does it? Fact is, I saw it. Me *squirming uncomfortably: Yes, but- but- I didn’t write about anything you actually said… Him *staring at me firmly: True, you didn’t. Me *blushing guiltily, awaiting my punishment. Him *after a VERY long pause: It was funny actually. Your writing was good. I enjoyed it. Well done Mum. [The post in question is HERE. ]
Over 40? Noticing you have less energy than you used to? After almost 6 years of detailed observation and study, here are this Mum’s Top Ten Tips for returning to the boundless power of your youth: If you open a drawer or cupboard door, don’t close it; imagine how much effort you’re saving. If you can’t find something, DO NOT search for it; call out loudly for its whereabouts, and miraculously someone else will know exactly where it is. When you take the lid off the toothpaste, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE replace it. Minimize all cleaning/tidying/sorting activities as soon as possible- it’s best to urgently install a house keeper and butler to ease those daily needs (see #1, #2, & #3 above). Maintain an intense focus for hours on surfing clips, music videos, and occasional computer games, but REFRAIN from studying too much, it’s bad for your eyes. Practice the ability to party all night in 4 separate locations, then sleep half the day [*see Footnote 1 below]. Maintain an unrealistic view of all financial activities …
’17’ has been at his Dad’s a lot lately, so I’ve had minimal fodder for our fabulous [still temporarily banned] Teenage Tuesdays… but negotiations are ongoing… all fingers are still crossed… this blog needs a cheery boost… and he’s coming back here tomorrow, so I’m feeling hopeful! Stay tuned… love Mama G xO And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, cos you’re new round here, or you missed it, you gotta read THIS still temporarily banned post : )
At Home last Weekend Me: Can you wipe up please AN HOUR LATER Me: Sweetie, the wiping up needs doing AN HOUR LATER Me: Come on, I need you to wipe up and put away the dishes AN HOUR LATER Me: OK, I’m getting cranky now, I’ve got better things to do than nag you all weekend AN HOUR LATER Me: Put the washing up away, or there’ll be no dinner!
Me [checking WordPress stats]: Your ‘Teenage Tuesdays’ are without doubt my most popular posts. Him: That’s great Mum. Me: People love them- I get so many comments- they think you’re hilarious, they love you! Him: Wait, who are all these people? Me [bragging a little I admit]: I’ve got Followers all over America, in Canada, England, Europe in general, Australia too of course… nearly 650 now… Him: Hold on; I don’t know if I like all those people knowing stuff about me, and the things I say. Me: But… I… um… Him: It’s starting to feel like you’re just making notes about me to write on your blog; you’re not valuing sharing the funny moments with me, as they actually happen. Me: But… I… um… Him: And what does it say about your creativity Mum? You’re just quoting me. I thought your blog was about your life and viewpoint; surely using me and mine defeats the purpose? Me: Um… PAUSE Him: I don’t think you should do ‘Teenage Tuesdays’ any more, it’s not serving you.
Him: Mum, I really need to cleanse and do a facial; my skin feels dirty from all the pollution… [after one week in Sydney] LATER [having worked his way systematically through a variety of my locally-made, organic skin-care products] Him: Feel my face now, how soft is it hey? I don’t like the smell of all your creams though; they actually smell of nothing, but in a health food store kinda way
Me: You really need to get a new battery for your smartphone honey, it’s very frustrating not being able to get hold of you sometimes. Him: No Mum. I’ve decided I want to buy a cheap phone without internet facilities; I’m sick of being reachable in so many ways by so many people. And the social media just distracts me. Call me ‘The Backlash’.
Me: What are you going to do when you finish school at 18? Go to university? Or perhaps take a year off and go travelling…? Him: A year?? Mum, I’m taking a decade off!