Time for a dating update folks: I met someone in real life. Well, I noticed her at a dance party about a year ago, but being a loyal partner to my ex, I just ignored her…
Then 6 months ago, a very good mutual friend actually introduced us properly, and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking ‘Oh you are so cute’, but being a loyal partner to my ex, I just ignored me…
Until 2 weeks ago, when on another funky dance floor in my killer blue jumpsuit over my freshly-healed heart, I found myself facing her, and just couldn’t ignore her for one more second.
We danced. We smiled. We yelled in each others’ ears. We flirted, then drifted away and back together a few times (I got on that dance floor at 5pm when I arrived, and barely left till the party closed at 11.30pm) before I finally asked her if she had a girlfriend (my middle name is clearly ‘Direct’).
When she said no, I may or may not have seen a small firework display go off behind us, lighting up the heavens with possibility and coloured sparks.
Yet another mutual friend ‘M’ then shimmied past and suddenly said ‘Oh my god, you two should so get together, you’d have so much fun!’ (‘M’s middle name is obviously similar to mine). We two grinned at each other awkwardly, then shyly looked in opposite directions.
Anyway, the DJ finally stopped playing, and someone flicked on the overhead neons; we all fled the scene like cockroaches surprised in the kitchen in the middle of the night, and I decided to head home sensibly solo before anything untoward happened.
*being 51 and ‘sensible’ is soooooo overrated sometimes.
The next morning, still totally high from the endorphins of 6 hours of dancing, my phone buzzed, and there was a text from friend ‘M’, sending me her number, and saying he’d sent her mine as well, hoping that was OK?
Was it OK? BLESS THE PROACTIVE MATCHMAKERS OF THIS WORLD I SAY.
I texted back:
Thanks M 🙂 I’ll contact her tomorrow and tell her you…- wait, my phone just buzzed…- it’s her- I’d better go! xx
Well, it all got a little more exciting… a bit of to and fro (how did we ever date before texting??), and we caught up again that evening… at a mellow recovery dance party (I feel like I need to point out here that my life is usually NOT just one long party…). BUT ’17’ was there too, so I was acutely aware of my teenage son being on the same dance floor (how totally COOL is that though?), so minimised the flirting.
Since then there’s been a beach walk and quick brekky, plus a cuppa on my verandah, and multiple texts/explanations/ridiculous coincidences, but nothing other than hugs. So far.
Which gives me an incredible opportunity to try and check out my attachment system; I am sooooooooo sensible sometimes aren’t I?
I feel ridiculously excited when she’s around, but we are literally like fire and water: she parties hard, has a stressful demanding job, is super busy, and parties very hard (yes, I’m mentioning it twice because I feel like I need to).
I’m a clean-living, mostly non-drinking, health-orientated, pretty calm and centred human being; WHY am I so attracted to her? Does she symbolise my shadow side? The wild girl in contrast to Mrs Sensible? Is she an Avoidant, thereby appealing to my Anxious side? But she has a history of long term, live-in relationships, so she’s probably more Securely-attached than I am. Am I simply thinking too much? Quite honestly, I’m surprised at my own reactions; usually I’m a bit more self-contained.
And more than anything else, I want to go into this new phase of dating post-break-up with as much clarity as possible about what I’m doing, and why; being attracted to, and pursuing, a ridiculously different person to me seems like a silly thing to do… but oh how I want to. I feel like I’ve caught a comet by the tail, and it’s compelling.
Any thoughts? I’m relying on you!
In gratitude for all my readers with outside perspective, and objective advice, love G xO