bone&silver

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“Imperfect paradise”- a random re-blog

Published by bone&silver

Absolutely love this dirty reminder of how our dating used to be, vs the current reality… such a good poet

TheFeatheredSleep

Today baby, everyone is pert and beautiful

Photoshopped at perfect angle

Swollen lips, weak jaw, 2000 friends with guitars

Can’t keep up, even if I were two and twenty

Better my generation-X lost our film

Before developing

Didn’t keep a record, of that mistake, or this bad day

We pretend and forget, imprecision a comfort blanket

Not wanting to keep in touch, why force natural closure with technology?

We lost your digits and never knew your surname

A blurry mystery of poor memories

Was it that candlelit poet’s bar now closed?

No proof, no evidence, if a tree falls, does anyone know, if it’s not on Instagram?

I liked your home dyed hair, we shared night under looming sky in damp sleeping bag

You fucked my ideals of love when you slept with her

Sent me on my way with a trash bag of belongings

A dead squirrel slothing skin…

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When you go on a big adventure with your hairdresser

Published by bone&silver

Ready for a change in the hair department #over50blogger #haircut #selfcare #wellbeing

Me to Hairdresser: It’s time for a change. I did a survey on my blog, and these are the results:

Option A- 12 votes
Option B- 8 votes
Option C- 12 votes
Keep it like it is (not really an option people, but thanks for playing anyway)- 4 votes

Need advice for a new haircut #over50 #newhairdo #pixiecut #whiteblonde

Short and punky is the way to go over 50

Need advice for a new haircut #over50 #newhairdo #pixiecut #whiteblonde

Need advice for a new haircut #over50 #newhairdo #pixiecut #whiteblonde

Hairdresser to me: ~~Who are these people??~~ Right. I’m glad you’ve done your research. Let me see the pics… OK… and here’s some more on my phone… dazzled by too many choices now? All part of my master plan. So just trust me, and I’ll sort it out.

Me *taking a deep breath: Let’s go!

So ready for a new haircut and a new beginning over 50

New hairdo #over50 #wellbeing #haircut #newbeginning

I hadn’t had it cut for at least 8 weeks, so there was lots of length to play with. She cut it a bit, then applied bleach…

Beginning the process #bleach #blonde #over50 #newhaircut @cherrychocolateblonde @boneandsilver

Hairdresser: Have you had a full scalp bleach before?

Me *gulping: No.

Her: Well, it tingles… And first we have to strip the silver, then do another round of toner, so it’s a process…

Was this new haircut & colour a good idea #newhairdo #over50 #nervous #style @cherrychocolateblonde @boneandsilver

Me: OMG what have I done?????

Her: Trust me! Toner goes on next.

Going purple or blonde? #hair #mysterious #colour #over50

By now, there were heavily-invested observers popping by: other clients, the massage therapist next door, the boutique owner across the courtyard, the beautician… Luckily I’m not a shrinking violet. Although that toner does look very violet hey?

Her: Nearly done. Looking good. Now to cut it a bit shorter…

…And…

…Voila!

A change is as good as a rest, and a new haircut over 50 works wonders for your self esteem and wellbeing

New haircut #readyforaction #over50 #selfcare #over50style @cherrychocolateblonde @boneandsilver

short haircut over 50 is a bold step for wellbeing

New haircut #hair #style #colour #over50

What do you think Readers?

And for me, the true test of a new hairdo is how it looks 3 days later at home, when you’ve done it yourself in the bathroom mirror:

Home-styled hair #over50 #over50style #australia @cherrychocolateblonde @boneandsilver

It still needs to settle in (my hair is in serious, straw-like shock), but I so love it; I needed it. It was also delightful to get ’17’s reaction:

‘Oh wow, you did it Mum, you did it! That’s awesome’.

I’m still freaking myself out when I look in the mirror initially, or catch a glimpse in a shop window, but what fun hey? Thanks so much for all the enthusiastic support, and now I’m about to find out if blondes really do have more fun…

In gratitude for the freedom to change image, and playing with chemicals in the hands of an expert, G xO

PS: If you live in Australia, and want to go to the best hairdresser in the world, contact me for her details- thanks Chris of Cherry Chocolate Blonde, you’re so good xxx

PPS: Damn, just realised I may have to change the name of this blog to bone&blonde 😉

New chapter means new hairdo, yes?

Published by bone&silver

Beach selfie #over50 #positiveageing #beachwalk #onlinedating #love #Australia

Beach selfie #over50 #positiveageing #beachwalk #onlinedating #love @boneAndsilver

Proudly, my hair is salt ‘n’ pepper. Probably more salt now actually. And I love it. After many years of keeping it short, a couple of years ago, I grew it into a slightly messy bob, and discovered that silver hair often has a bit of a wave or curl to it…

But as I launch myself into a new phase of online dating, I’ve decided it’s time for a new look.

Now YOU, my dear readers, have followed me through so much: celebrated the one year anniversary, mourned and commiserated through the break up, cheered me as I came out the other side, and positively encouraged me to move forward into the next life chapter.

So it’s entirely fitting you help me with this bit too! I asked ’17’ what sort of chop I should get, but this was his ~~brutal~~ honest response:

“Mum, I’ve got better things to do than look at pictures of old ladies’ hair cuts.”

Fair enough.

But YOU, dear reader, surely you can give me a minute? Do you prefer A, B, or C? Or have another suggestion entirely? I’m pretty sure I want a white blonde look, whichever cut I choose:

Need advice for a new haircut #over50 #newhairdo #pixiecut #whiteblonde

Pre-requisites:

I don’t want to spend an hour each morning in the bathroom with blowdryer and products.
I want to look funky, a bit punky, and cool of course.
I don’t want to look like ‘mutton dressed as lamb’.
I want to seem attractive yet also my unique, individual self.
I don’t want to have to go back every fortnight for root touch ups.

I reckon a white blonde look would be fine with the roots growing through, don’t you? Then I’ll have white tips on my silver (people pay a small fortune for that technique).

Previous looks have been these, 2 and 3 years ago, as I transitioned from really short to my current curly, completely un-dyed locks:

Previous old hair cuts #over50 #australia #coolMum

Guys, I’m sorry if I’ve bored you with this post (or have been sexist in this generalized assumption- Matt and Brian, I’m sure you’ll have opinions for example). But come on Girls, let me know! All suggestions happily received, and there will be updated photos as reward…

In gratitude for my healthy long-term relationship with an awesome hairdresser, and the thrill of new possibilities, love G xO

Me Monday: Why I’m writing on my forehead with a texta

Published by bone&silver

Reminding myself I’m only available for casual dates #over 50 #onlinedating #romance #fun @boneAndsilver

I’m freshly-single again, at 51. My heart is certainly bruised, yet my spirit remains cheery, and ever-curious. I haven’t come out of a long marriage (I can’t imagine how hard that would be to untangle yourself from), but after a suitable period of mourning my last relationship change- I’m not writing ‘loss’ or ‘failure’ because I don’t believe that’s what’s happened-, I’m popping my head up above the damp heartbreak trenches, and wondering who’s out there?

But emotionally, I’m definitely not fully available. I don’t think it’s too soon- I have been processing hard HERE, but there’s only one way to find out…

So, as I carefully word new dating profiles, avoiding the site I met ‘H’ on, I am stating clearly that I only want fun, casual dates for now, thanks. And certainly non-monogamous: this woman needs a little bit of adventure.

I did have a moment of deep sadnesss, realizing I was back on the dating roundabout once more… until I got a few interesting messages from various potentials, reminding me I was good at this game, and that there is much fun to be had…

If the Universe wants me to be back in circulation, then so be it- who am I to deny my fate?

And as I’ve written before, I think online dating is a wonderfully liberating activity, especially if you’re over 50, and needing to explore your conditioning around sex, needs, communication, and love.

Thus I’m clambering back on the horse, or dipping my toes back into the water, whichever metaphor works best for you. But I do need to write that phrase about ‘casual fun only’ on my forehead in texta, to clearly inform my dates, but also to remind myself every time I look in the mirror.

Unless you have a better suggestion or technique?

In gratitude for the world wide web, and all the dating opportunity it offers, G xO

The flood anniversary, one year on

Published by bone&silver

The challenge of flooding in regional towns

Waking up to floodwaters surrounding my house in Australia #flood #cycloneDebbie #anniversary #memories

This exact time last year, here was my morning view from the front verandah at 7am. My son’s room below the house was underwater up to my thighs. His friend’s motorbike was almost floating, and my neighbour’s cars had water up to their steering wheels.

It was a challenging, stressful time, as you can imagine, including several deaths, and I wrote about it here with many more photos in Soggy not Bloggy.

It took 3 days for the waters to subside, and miraculously, we only lost electricity for a few hours. Which was great, because I had two teenage boys marooned in the living room with me; we would have likely killed each other without the internet for distraction.

Or the toaster of course, for ongoing food requirements (I had waded to the supermarket with water over the top of my gumboots to bring back milk and bread).

Today, the nearby town of Lismore- which was devastated by over 11 metres of water literally rushing thorough the CBD– is having a community gathering and celebration of Resilience, organised by the local Council. What a fantastic, morale-building exercise! So many businesses struggled, as flood insurance is incredibly expensive, and many didn’t survive the task of re-building. Some of my friends were evacuated at midnight as the waters stormed the river levee bank, and one woman I know is still not back in her house- the engineer says it needs another 6 months to dry out and complete repairs…

Floodwaters doing their damage in son’s bedroom #australia #cycloneDebbie #flood #damage #stress

But today is about celebrating, looking forwards, and being grateful for all the stories of assistance and kindness; these gifts can truly heal so much.

In gratitude for support in times of trouble, with love, G xO

Teenage Tuesday: “Managing your finite power, with Top Ten Tips for self care”

Published by bone&silver

Over 40? Noticing you have less energy than you used to? After almost 6 years of detailed observation and study, here are this Mum’s Top Ten Tips for returning to the boundless power of your youth:

If you open a drawer or cupboard door, don’t close it; imagine how much effort you’re saving.
If you can’t find something, DO NOT search for it; call out loudly for its whereabouts, and miraculously someone else will know exactly where it is.
When you take the lid off the toothpaste, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE replace it.
Minimize all cleaning/tidying/sorting activities as soon as possible- it’s best to urgently install a house keeper and butler to ease those daily needs (see #1, #2, & #3 above).
Maintain an intense focus for hours on surfing clips, music videos, and occasional computer games, but REFRAIN from studying too much, it’s bad for your eyes.
Practice the ability to party all night in 4 separate locations, then sleep half the day [*see Footnote 1 below].
Maintain an unrealistic view of all financial activities which involve parental loans and repayment agreements.
Manage an extensive social circle comprising of every teenager and leisure event within a 50km radius, but “forget” to tell significant family members what time you will actually be home.
Ensure continuous uptake of fluid and food stuffs, including muesli and/or toast at maximum two-hourly intervals.
Use your inherent capacity for innovation and rebellion to continually improve the smallest of tasks, which all add up to preserving your finite power stocks (Exhibit A below):

Move as little as possible #selfcare #wellbeing #kitchenhabits #teenagers #over50 #lifestyle

[*Footnote 1: I still miss this a lot]

In gratitude for teenagers showing us the error of our ways, even when it comes to practical ideas for dirty-dish stacking, G xO

Who’s carrying that light at the end of this tunnel? Seems like it’s Me

Published by bone&silver

Following the healthy signs after a relationship break up

Life just keeps moving doesn’t it? #breakups #love #over50 #healing #angelcards #gratitude

‘How are you going after the break up, G?’ I’ve had that question asked many times, both in real life, and in my beloved WordPress World, so here’s the answer.

After spending over a month mourning in a hard nest lined with blankets of sadness, crying, not really eating, cancelling outside plans, and wearing a mask for the times I had to go to work, I’m now coming out again into the sunshine.

I can see a fun future, a deep future, a new future. This is good, and welcome.

While this romance was in no way a long one- we shared only 18 months, and no children, homes, or other family binds- it still hurt like Hell; I’m so glad I could reach out for support and care.

My Top Three tips for surviving a break up are now these:

Feel your feelings– cry, wail, grind your teeth with the unfairness of it, scrawl your loss in a journal, bawl at the missing of your beloved, and just surrender to the pain.
Seek comfort– therapy or counselling, caring massages, scented baths, understanding friends, nurturing food, beach walks, fun movies.
Let Time pass and do its thing– ignoring your distress, and rushing into a new relationship, or other busy distractions, will ultimately delay your thorough healing.

On a practical level, I also put away all the artworks/trinkets/cards/photos etc, smudged the house and car, danced my way through several ‘Letting go’ soundtracks, and posted final significant items back to the owner. That definitely helped.

So now I feel kinda empty, but in a good way. A clear way. A way that says ‘I have suffered, and lost, but I truly believe it’s for the greater good, plus my greater happiness.’

Following the healthy signs after a relationship break up

And I couldn’t believe it when I pulled this card!

I’ve just gone back to the ‘One Year Anniversary reveal’ post and removed our photos; that made me feel sad again, but I want to complete this episode with as much honour as possible, and respect for privacy. So be it.

My son ’17’ has returned from his Dad’s- “It just felt like you needed to be alone and sad for a while Mum”- so I’m back [happily] wondering about what to cook for dinner, and when is he ever going to wipe up? I can’t believe how lucky I am that I can claim the emotional space to process big events like a break up, and that I’m not surrounded by 3 other kids and a full time job… blessed indeed.

Wishing you all a wonderful Easter break, spending time with your loved ones, and hopefully out in Nature, appreciating our wonderful world.

In gratitude for a tender, healing heart, and the blogging community who are helping me get there, love G xO

World Wednesday: those ‘magic kids’ in the USA make me cry tears of joy & sadness

Published by bone&silver

Emma Gonzalez. #NeverAgain #MarchForOurLives.

You gotta read this, as it’s articulated more sweetly and succinctly than I could dream about. Plus he’s an older white male, which makes it all the better:

These Magic Kids– Michael Tallon.

View at Medium.com

Teenage Tuesday: Ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Published by bone&silver

’17’ has been at his Dad’s a lot lately, so I’ve had minimal fodder for our fabulous [still temporarily banned] Teenage Tuesdays… but negotiations are ongoing… all fingers are still crossed… this blog needs a cheery boost… and he’s coming back here tomorrow, so I’m feeling hopeful! Stay tuned… love Mama G xO

And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, cos you’re new round here, or you missed it, you gotta read THIS still temporarily banned post : )

The 2nd heavy rock in my heart: no more long distance relationship

Published by bone&silver

Driving through the French countryside, reflecting on my queer love connection back in Australia

Our ring on holiday in France with me #connection #ring #France #love #queer #Australia

Yesterday, after exactly 15 months of loving romance, and 18 months since we first met online, I posted a parcel back to ‘H’. It held a few things, but most importantly our ‘connection ring’. I had to get it out of the house. Because a month ago, after ‘H’s last visit for Valentine’s Day (which was wonderful), things went pear-shaped, and despite our love and care for each other, we simply couldn’t get ourselves back to a place of unity.

I’m so sad. We both are of course. But I have to keep writing here as part of my process, thus ‘H’ has unfollowed the blog.

I’ve been dreading articulating this, as it makes it all the more real. I’ve definitely just had the most wonderfully unique relationship of my life; being met on a creative level was profoundly satisfying, and ‘H’ was the sweetest, kindest person to spend intimate time with.

I regret not one second. Despite the painful disagreements, and the challenges of distance, I am utterly grateful for every lesson, every joy, and the connection of two kindred souls. It was a difficult process, but finally we realised we needed to move onto new paths separately; a mutual break up has to be the ideal one, right?

I had actually drafted a post a while ago announcing ‘H’s impending move up to this area; long distance is not ideal, we all know that. So we had aimed for March or April. But it seems the mounting pressure of the upcoming change was not comfortable for either of us, and those goddamned Attachment wounds so easily rise up to take over the rational brain…

I’m not going to elaborate any more for now, out of privacy and respect for both of us. It feels like our pasts defeated us though, and I personally intend to keep working on my baggage with my friendly neighbourhood therapist.

Right now, I’m just in mourning, and very sad. ’17’ is being very sweet, as is our cat, and of course all my dear friends are checking in and reminding me Life goes on eventually.

But I’m simply trying to feel all my feelings, let the tears flow freely, and write copious pages of tortured self-reflection in my journal, like a good, sensitive woman.

I know you’ll all be shocked and sad for me, as I am for myself. On top of the stress about Mum, before my cousin reassured me, I’ve had a pretty crappy time since coming back from Tasmania to be honest… but the pulse of Life just beats along, and I can’t not follow.

In gratitude for the gifts of Love, even when they move on, thereby hopefully creating space for the new, love G xO

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