All posts tagged: personal

“Imperfect paradise”- a random re-blog

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Originally posted on TheFeatheredSleep:
Today baby, everyone is pert and beautiful Photoshopped at perfect angle Swollen lips, weak jaw, 2000 friends with guitars Can’t keep up, even if I were two and twenty Better my generation-X lost our film Before developing Didn’t keep a record, of that mistake, or this bad day We pretend and forget, imprecision a comfort blanket Not wanting to keep in touch, why force natural closure with technology? We lost your digits and never knew your surname A blurry mystery of poor memories Was it that candlelit poet’s bar now closed? No proof, no evidence, if a tree falls, does anyone know, if it’s not on Instagram? I liked your home dyed hair, we shared night under looming sky in damp sleeping bag You fucked my ideals of love when you slept with her Sent me on my way with a trash bag of belongings A dead squirrel slothing skin, lay ackwardly beneath your window Its stink remaining when I was gone Rumor had it you used her hose as contraceptive…

New chapter means new hairdo, yes?

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Proudly, my hair is salt ‘n’ pepper. Probably more salt now actually. And I love it. After many years of keeping it short, a couple of years ago, I grew it into a slightly messy bob, and discovered that silver hair often has a bit of a wave or curl to it… But as I launch myself into a new phase of online dating, I’ve decided it’s time for a new look. Now YOU, my dear readers, have followed me through so much: celebrated the one year anniversary, mourned and commiserated through the break up, cheered me as I came out the other side, and positively encouraged me to move forward into the next life chapter. So it’s entirely fitting you help me with this bit too! I asked ’17’ what sort of chop I should get, but this was his brutal honest response: “Mum, I’ve got better things to do than look at pictures of old ladies’ hair cuts.” Fair enough. But YOU, dear reader, surely you can give me a minute? Do you …

The 2nd heavy rock in my heart: no more long distance relationship

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Yesterday, after exactly 15 months of loving romance, and 18 months since we first met online, I posted a parcel back to ‘H’. It held a few things, but most importantly our ‘connection ring’. I had to get it out of the house. Because a month ago, after ‘H’s last visit for Valentine’s Day (which was wonderful), things went pear-shaped, and despite our love and care for each other, we simply couldn’t get ourselves back to a place of unity. I’m so sad. We both are of course.  But I have to keep writing here as part of my process, thus ‘H’ has unfollowed the blog. I’ve been dreading articulating this, as it makes it all the more real. I’ve definitely just had the most wonderfully unique relationship of my life; being met on a creative level was profoundly satisfying, and ‘H’ was the sweetest, kindest person to spend intimate time with. I regret not one second. Despite the painful disagreements, and the challenges of distance, I am utterly grateful for every lesson, every joy, …

Random/Reblog Thursday: I stand with her #guncontrol

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America has just had its 29th mass shooting this year. There have been 45 days so far in 2018. What the hell are you all doing over there? This is a great and visceral response to it which I had to share, and stand beside her in her distress. Please visit. In gratitude for gun control in Australia, G xO  I try to write carefully on this blog. I try to be thoughtful, to be careful of what I say and how I say it. I try not to be awful. But I have learned a terrible, terrible truth today, and this post will focus on that fact. I am afraid that my words will […] via My Terrible Truth — Empty Nest, Full Life

Me Mondays: Blood Into Ink #MeToo Writing Contest Honorable Mention: bone&silver/#MeToo

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Originally posted on Whisper and the Roar:
Why had my cousin rung me 5 times in thirty minutes? I returned my phone to airplane mode, and pushed open the classroom door. But during the lesson, my attention kept being pulled back to the call record, even while I taught; why was my stomach knotting? The one hour dragged like mud, then I pressed redial. ‘It’s your Dad. He had a heart attack in Hawaii and…’ And is in hospital. Is fine. Will be fine. Or confined to a wheelchair at worst. ‘… and he died. I’m so sorry.’ Who took my knees away and punched me in the gut? Can I just curl up here and die on the street too? A passing cyclist wobbles and stops. ‘Are you OK?’ No. Yes. No. I can’t share this pain with you, leave me alone! Lying in bed that night, alone at home, with a silent waterfall streaming out of my eyes, drowning all those childhood snaps of kids on bikes, throwing snowballs, cuddling dogs. A black…

I’m back, Happy New Year, and let’s make a skeleton for this blog

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Hello Beloved Readers, and Happy 2018! I’ve missed you, but it was wonderful to give myself permission to unplug, letting the blog world responsibilities slide for a few days… And now I’m tip-toeing back, with a relaxed smile on my face. For I’ve survived another Christmas season. Every year I feel my anxiety start to climb mid-December, then welcome a huge sense of relief once the actual day is done. I think it’s inherited; somewhere there’s a classic family photo from the 80’s of 3 generations of us, opening presents on a dull English Xmas morning, while literally everyone looks grumpy. I was very Australian on Dec 25: I went to the beach, slathered in sunscreen, and swam in crystal aqua water. My 2 friends and I sat in shade under trees, pledging to continue dismantling Capitalism & Patriarchy in 2018, then went home to siesta, because it’s so exhausting. New Year’s Eve was way more fun, mostly because I had my first one off for YEARS. Usually I’m on stilts somewhere, adding to the atmosphere, …

relationships, online dating, raising a teenager, over 50, positive ageing

Australia has woken up covered in rainbows and glitter

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We did it! We got the YES vote for marriage equality, after a $122 million dollar waste-of-time- plebiscite which caused incredible distress to many members of the gay community, especially young folk (calls to helplines quadrupled). 61% Yes, 38% No. Personally, I’d like it to be 99% Yes, but all that really matters now is that it becomes law. And Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has tweeted that he will make it so by Christmas. That literally makes me cry typing that; so many Queer couples I’ve never even met will be able to fulfil their romantic dream, AND be equal in the eyes of the law. My Facebook feed is full of smiling faces surrounded by rainbows, with tears of relief and excitement flooding down. I join them gladly; it’s an honour. I felt so emotional all day yesterday, unexpectedly so. If I’d have lived in one of the capital cities, I’d have been out dancing to all those classic old favourite disco songs with the rest of my wonderful gay community! (Melbourne and Sydney …

relationships, online dating, raising a teenager, over 50, positive ageing

Is it a pothole or cliff? Measuring the drama of your argument

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Main Attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Secure Most regular readers know I had a Bumpy time with ‘H’ on the last interstate visit, and you were all so supportive and encouraging, many thanks. Long distance relationships can be a challenge indeed. It took a lot of patience not to have an immediate, dramatic reaction myself, and now that we’re all snuggly and cute again [phew!], I’ve been reflecting on how it felt as it happened. As I previously wrote HERE on ‘Bread & butter vs death’, there is a biological reaction to that disagreement with your beloved. Once triggered, your attachment system will flood you with the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. It takes approximately 20 minutes for your body to process and dilute these chemicals to return to normal, (a little longer for men), so going for a walk or taking ‘time out’ is actually a fantastic idea. But what’s actually caused the triggering? In a nutshell, a serious argument is received as a threat to our safety. I’m not talking about the simple ‘bread & butter’ …

Blog tales for the Over 50s with positive ageing, dating & relationships

Time management ideas: changing hats for 50 mins

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Are you time-poor? Trying to cram too many different projects into one day, like me? Dashing from school drop-off to supermarket to work to post office in lunch hour to work to dentist to home to sport to home to dance class to home to personal emails to social media to relax to bed? That makes me feel crazy… But what about all the time we spend staring at our computer or phone screens? A friend posted the other day that he deals with 100-1000 emails A DAY; that would feel like a pressure band round my skull. And have you seen the work of Eric Pickersgill? He photoshops out all the smartphones; you MUST check it out HERE. I don’t want to turn into a vacuous, staring monster, but I feel like I do sometimes. These are the subjects I regularly have to juggle when I’m in front of my computer at home, which I’m sure are similar to yours: Personal emails Work-related emails WordPress blog reading & commenting My own blog posts Answering …

relationships, online dating, raising a teenager, over 50, positive ageing

Bumpy

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I haven’t updated about my online dating romance in a while, as things have just been cruising along: month off/week on/daily texts/phone calls & Skype chats 3 times a week or so, all cute n cosy. Till ‘H’s latest visit this weekend. Hmmm, is ‘bumpy’ the right word? No one’s fault really; just two slightly stressed human beings, bringing their fears, their wounds, and their frailty to the fore. You all know I’ve got quite a lot going on: Mum over in the UK who’s health is in decline and in a bit of a crisis right now, plus general exhaustion at the shitty state of the world. ‘H’ packed a small suitcase for this trip with some of the stress of building a new house on a tight budget, and various other creative/financial challenges at home in Melbourne. We tried to set our 4-day table with care and kindness, but right from the airport pick up, we somehow disconnected. Oh dear. Add in a delayed flight, driving home in the dark, missing dinner etc, plus …