adventures, personal
Published on February 19, 2020
Comments 19

I’m crap at transitions, & ’empty nest’ is a big one (Part One)

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Grateful to survive the empty nest over 50

I’m 20, maybe 21. I love this pic, especially now I’m over 50.

Most of you round here know I’m 53, & that my darling son ’19’ moved out a few months ago. Thank goodness he hasn’t gone far: 10 minutes up the road to his cousin’s place. When I was 19, I emigrated to Australia, where I still am, and didn’t see my Mum for years… no mobiles, no internet, barely even a phone… I just used to write her once a month.

Or so.

If I felt like it.

But anyway, now I’m here, at a similar point, and as I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, am thinking about moving out of the suburbs onto an ‘intentional community’ in the forest.

I’ve been looking at real estate on and off for a year, knowing that the ’empty nest’ was coming; I grieved it when it actually happened, and of course found things to celebrate about it too- no need to cook dinner or keep the fridge fully stocked/minimal washing loads/peace and quiet/no car shuffling in the driveway/a tidy house and clean bathroom- the list goes on.

Still,  I don’t want to just settle for an easy life in the same old house… damnit.

I wish I could. I wish I was content here, to potter round, enjoying the steady pace of a life without impulsive teenagers coming and going.

Moving to the forest is a new idea over 50

Could this be my new view? #Australia #forest

But I’m not. So I’ve pursued this option of living on a 2-acre share of rainforest up in the hills, and now it looks like it’s going to happen.

Which is freaking me out! 

I’ve been lying awake at night- or worse, waking up at 3am to ruminate- trying to visualize my furniture in the new house, or my friends in the new house, or even my girlfriend in the new house.

All I get is a panicked blank mind and shallow breathing.

Plus a pit of unease in my belly.

So I took myself off to therapy, and sat there affirming my incredible privilege and blessed options, before bursting into tears like a confused child.

‘What’s underneath it all?’ she asked me. ‘You sound informed, supported, capable, ready- what’s going on? What are you scared of?’

And there I sat, twisting the sodden tissue, cursing my sensitive stomach while I dug down through the layers…

 

Part Two to follow

 

19 Comments

  1. Writer of words says

    Well this is all so…very exciting in a scary sort of way! As you know I’m up to my eyeballs in teenagers, but this day will come to us too one day and I’m already freaked out. After I enjoy a week or two of peace and quiet, maybe…

    I’m looking forward to following along on your next adventure. Sounds wonderful, actually! Do keep writing!

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks honey: yes, that’s exactly how it is. It’s a massive change, & I only had one teenager to ‘lose’ to the big wide world… it will be a challenge for you. But hopefully the start of a great new adventure too 🙏🏼

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  2. bone&silver says

    Pete! Bonjour 🙂 That is the sweetest, smartest, devil’s advocate comment I would expect from one such as you :)) I will email you personally, with some pics xx

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  3. Midlife Dating Adventures says

    I’m glad you’ve reached a decision and I have to say, I totally agree with you about transitions! I did the same when buying a property after becoming independent in the past few years, and it was nerve-wracking. Exciting too, and that won out as I had no doubts at all. I will be very interested in what you reveal in the next post! It looks like a restful and inspiring view to me!

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    • bone&silver says

      Thanks Eve- it really feels like the Universe is trying to make this as easy & positive as possible for me… which means the deepest fears and negativity are bubbling up, trying to sabotage me 😦
      But I’m onto it! 🙂 xx

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  6. janieleeds says

    Well I’m cheering you on from here! I can’t wait to read part 2. I hope you are working it all out so that you can go fearlessly into the future. You’ve got all of us here thinking about you! ♥

    Liked by 1 person

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    • bone&silver says

      Aww thanks Janie, that’s so kind and supportive of you ❤ I'm so lucky, I shouldn't really be complaining… but I try to be honest here, & it IS a very scarey move…

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  7. Widdershins says

    A cliffhanger!!! 😀 … no-one comes at ginormous transitions like this without having to reorganise their internal landscape, (and if they say otherwise, then they haven’t dug deep enough) … will await the cliffhangery conclusion on the edge of my seat. 🙂

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  9. Ann Coleman says

    It’s a huge change, so I think it’s natural for you to be feeling anxious about it. But that doesn’t mean it won’t turn out great! And remember, if it doesn’t work, you don’t have to stay forever. I look forward to reading more about this!

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