Him: Mum, can my friend Elly pop over and borrow some muffin tins? She’s made the batter already, and just realised she doesn’t have any.
Me: Sure [feeling smug that I’m such a domestic goddess]. But I need them back in a couple of days…
ONE MONTH LATER
Me: [Texting ’17’ at his Dad’s] Hey where are my muffin tins?
Him: Oh yeah. Hang on… [Multiple teenage communication apps launched simultaneously] They’re at her Mum’s. But she’s at her Dad’s.
Me: Well I need them back ASAP [Subtext “Before I forget for another month”]
Him: Hang on… [Apps flurry & beep]… Can you get them yourself? She won’t be back till after weekend.
Me: [*sigh]. Sure. What’s address? And her Mum’s name? We’ve never met.
Him: [Flurry & beep] Address is ******.
Me: [In Blue]
Me: Wait- so I have to let myself into her Mum’s dark house, ‘cos no one’s home?
Him: Yup. Back door always open. It’s cool Mum.
30 MINUTES LATER