All posts tagged: humour

Teenage Tuesday: I swear I’m not writing what he said (as ordered by ’17’), but take a good look at this…

At Home last Weekend Me: Can you wipe up please AN HOUR LATER Me: Sweetie, the wiping up needs doing AN HOUR LATER Me: Come on, I need you to wipe up and put away the dishes AN HOUR LATER Me: OK, I’m getting cranky now, I’ve got better things to do than nag you all weekend AN HOUR LATER Me: Put the washing up away, or there’ll be no dinner!  

‘Tropical Tuesday’? It doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it?

[While the negotiations with ’17’ re the continuation of ‘Teenage Tuesday’ are ongoing, I thought I could try this one instead…] That feeling when it’s 10am, already 32 degrees C (90 F), 100% humidity, and you’re cleaning the house energetically for the imminent arrival of your interstate love ‘H’, when you kneel on the floor to vacuum under the bed, and stand back up looking like this:  

Teenage Tuesday: A discussion about ‘Teenage Tuesday’ in the car

Me [checking WordPress stats]: Your ‘Teenage Tuesdays’ are without doubt my most popular posts. Him: That’s great Mum. Me: People love them- I get so many comments- they think you’re hilarious, they love you! Him: Wait, who are all these people? Me [bragging a little I admit]: I’ve got Followers all over America, in Canada, England, Europe in general, Australia too of course… nearly 650 now… Him: Hold on; I don’t know if I like all those people knowing stuff about me, and the things I say. Me: But… I… um… Him: It’s starting to feel like you’re just making notes about me to write on your blog; you’re not valuing sharing the funny moments with me, as they actually happen. Me: But… I… um… Him: And what does it say about your creativity Mum? You’re just quoting me. I thought your blog was about your life and viewpoint; surely using me and mineย defeats the purpose? Me: Um… PAUSE Him: I don’t think you should do ‘Teenage Tuesdays’ any more, it’s not serving you.  

Living with teenage son No.6

Him: Mum, can my friend Elly pop over and borrow some muffin tins? She’s made the batter already, and just realised she doesn’t have any. Me: Sure [feeling smug that I’m such a domestic goddess]. But I need them back in a couple of days… ONE MONTH LATER Me: [Texting ’17’ at his Dad’s]ย Hey where are my muffin tins? Him: Oh yeah. Hang on… [Multiple teenage communication apps launched simultaneously] They’re at her Mum’s. But she’s at her Dad’s. Me: Wellย I need them back ASAP [Subtext “Before I forget for another month”] Him: Hang on… [Apps flurry & beep]… Can you get them yourself? She won’t be back till after weekend. Me: [*sigh]. Sure. What’s address? And her Mum’s name? We’ve never met. Him: [Flurry & beep] Address is ******. Me: [In Blue]   Me: Wait- so I have to let myself into her Mum’s dark house, ‘cos no one’s home? Him: Yup. Back door always open. It’s cool Mum.   30 MINUTES LATER  

Planning with teenage son: 2nd update

Me: I’m glad you didn’t have a party while I was away, & you did a great job on leaving the house tidy, but I’m fussy about the kitchen bench tops for a reason, and look, you’ve somehow made a big, permanent stain   Him: Oh shit! Sorry Mum. How did I do that? Me: I dunno Sweetie, but that’s why I nag you not to put hot pans straight on the counter. If you were renting this place, you’d get money deducted from your rental bond for that, just so you know… PAUSE Him: Well, when you rent it cheap to me to go live in France or Bali, I’m going to paint it all white, so it doesn’t really matter now does it?  

Blog tales for the Over 50s with positive ageing, dating & relationships

Planning with teenage son No. 46

Me: Remember I’m going to Perth for a week’s work tomorrow, which means you can’t stay home here alone, you gotta go back to Dad’s. Him: Mum, I’m nearly 18, I can look after myself… Me: You’re not 18! You only just turned 17; you’re still too young. PAUSE Him: I’m 17 and a half actually. Me: [counting months on my fingers] OK, you’re 17 and 4 months… LONG PAUSE Him: Well, in my mind I’m already 30, so what’s your point Mum?  

I just spent 30 mins fighting with my smartphone, & met an Elf

The Scene: Palm trees swaying, blue sky shining, ridiculous rainbow-coloured birds squawking, plus me, dozing in bed in Australia, in that moment before being fully conscious. Me: Mmmmmmmm, I think I’m awake. Evil Elf Who Lives In My Brain And Synced To My Smartphone (now known as EVIE): What time is it? Better check your phone. Me: Nah, today’s Sunday, and I’m having a tech-free morning. EVIE: What!? When did you decide that?? Dumb idea. Just check your phone. Me: No. I’m simply going to lie here, listening to the birds. PAUSE EVIE: How hot d’you reckon it is? Maybe you should check the weather app? Me: NO. PAUSE EVIE: Maybe you got a late text from ’17’, and he needs picking up soon? Or what if ‘H’ sent something romantic/sexy first thing? Me: True. But they’ll still be there after I’ve had a pot of peppermint tea and meditated. I just want a peaceful tech-free hour. EVIE: An hour! But… but… don’t you need to check your WordPress stats? Me: Nah. It’s Sunday, and …