Author: bone&silver

relationships, online dating, raising a teenager, over 50, positive ageing

Last night I saved an echidna’s life

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I was driving home in the rain after dropping my son back to his Dad’s. Narrow country lanes with many twists and turns, up and down hills, with bush and forest on either side. I rounded a corner, and suddenly my headlights picked out an echidna crossing the road. Do you Americans and Poms know what that is? Like a hedgehog or porcupine on steroids: I slowed down, as it was just passing my left side of the road, on its way across the right. Then I saw the beams of another car coming round the corner towards me; it would hit the echidna directly! I didn’t hesitate. I slammed on the brakes, poked on my flashing hazard warning lights, and opened my door. The echidna must have seen the lights of the other car approaching, as it paused, then turned around and hurried back towards me, and the safety of the bush from where it had come. It looked like it was going to waddle under my car, so I stuck my foot out …

relationships, online dating, raising a teenager, over 50, positive ageing

Is it a pothole or cliff? Measuring the drama of your argument

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Main Attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Secure Most regular readers know I had a Bumpy time with ‘H’ on the last interstate visit, and you were all so supportive and encouraging, many thanks. Long distance relationships can be a challenge indeed. It took a lot of patience not to have an immediate, dramatic reaction myself, and now that we’re all snuggly and cute again [phew!], I’ve been reflecting on how it felt as it happened. As I previously wrote HERE on ‘Bread & butter vs death’, there is a biological reaction to that disagreement with your beloved. Once triggered, your attachment system will flood you with the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. It takes approximately 20 minutes for your body to process and dilute these chemicals to return to normal, (a little longer for men), so going for a walk or taking ‘time out’ is actually a fantastic idea. But what’s actually caused the triggering? In a nutshell, a serious argument is received as a threat to our safety. I’m not talking about the simple ‘bread & butter’ …

Blog tales for the Over 50s with positive ageing, dating & relationships

Time management ideas: changing hats for 50 mins

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Are you time-poor? Trying to cram too many different projects into one day, like me? Dashing from school drop-off to supermarket to work to post office in lunch hour to work to dentist to home to sport to home to dance class to home to personal emails to social media to relax to bed? That makes me feel crazy… But what about all the time we spend staring at our computer or phone screens? A friend posted the other day that he deals with 100-1000 emails A DAY; that would feel like a pressure band round my skull. And have you seen the work of Eric Pickersgill? He photoshops out all the smartphones; you MUST check it out HERE. I don’t want to turn into a vacuous, staring monster, but I feel like I do sometimes. These are the subjects I regularly have to juggle when I’m in front of my computer at home, which I’m sure are similar to yours: Personal emails Work-related emails WordPress blog reading & commenting My own blog posts Answering …

Planning with teenage son: 2nd update

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Me: I’m glad you didn’t have a party while I was away, & you did a great job on leaving the house tidy, but I’m fussy about the kitchen bench tops for a reason, and look, you’ve somehow made a big, permanent stain   Him: Oh shit! Sorry Mum. How did I do that? Me: I dunno Sweetie, but that’s why I nag you not to put hot pans straight on the counter. If you were renting this place, you’d get money deducted from your rental bond for that, just so you know… PAUSE Him: Well, when you rent it cheap to me to go live in France or Bali, I’m going to paint it all white, so it doesn’t really matter now does it?  

Blog tales for the Over 50s with positive ageing, dating & relationships

400 Followers at last, so good. But why?

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I made it. I’ve been hovering at around 395 Followers for a couple of months, partly because I delete new suspicious ones. Do you ever? Why would a 30yr old Indian IT guy who’s never engaged with bone&silver suddenly follow me? Or a twenty-something Moroccan personal trainer? I’m not interested in fake. So anyone who follows me gets a curious drive-by, if I’ve never had any Likes or Comments before. [Whaddya mean I’m a control-freak? Shucks, thanks for the compliment]. Anyway, I wanna ask YOU why? Why do you read my posts? Which ones are your favourites? I mainly blog about a few topics: My hilarious & smart teenage son (short n sweet, I love these, especially as I don’t really have to do much) Relationships/Attachment theory/long distance romance updates (one of my best friends says she likes these the least, and just deletes the email. I still love her) GPMs: Generalised Personal Musings (politics/social commentary/introspection) Health/food/dance stuff Creative writing (I’ve not done so many of these lately but am hoping they’re going to return) Travel, …

relationships, online dating, raising a teenager, over 50, positive ageing

Bumpy

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I haven’t updated about my online dating romance in a while, as things have just been cruising along: month off/week on/daily texts/phone calls & Skype chats 3 times a week or so, all cute n cosy. Till ‘H’s latest visit this weekend. Hmmm, is ‘bumpy’ the right word? No one’s fault really; just two slightly stressed human beings, bringing their fears, their wounds, and their frailty to the fore. You all know I’ve got quite a lot going on: Mum over in the UK who’s health is in decline and in a bit of a crisis right now, plus general exhaustion at the shitty state of the world. ‘H’ packed a small suitcase for this trip with some of the stress of building a new house on a tight budget, and various other creative/financial challenges at home in Melbourne. We tried to set our 4-day table with care and kindness, but right from the airport pick up, we somehow disconnected. Oh dear. Add in a delayed flight, driving home in the dark, missing dinner etc, plus …

Can I put on ‘normal’ like a coat?

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I slept so badly last night, here in Australia, acutely aware that back in England, my Mum was [hopefully] being assessed by a community health care team (previous post explains HERE). I’m writing this now as I wait to hear outcomes from my cousin ‘C’, who kindly took the day off work to be there as well. I woke up to scroll my Facebook feed, which is full of #MeToo. SO MANY WOMEN. I keep saying ‘Not you too? And you! OMG it’s nearly everyone.’ Then I see the hurricane has hit Ireland, the wildfires blaze on in California, Puerto Ricans are drinking contaminated water, and North Korea has threatened Australia for aligning with America. For fuck’s sake, this is NOT normal. Or rather, this is NOT what I want my ‘normal’ to be. I can feel the anxiety squeezing my head and chest; I have a low-grade churning in my belly that’s been there for days now. And yes, I’m still cooking dinner, feeding the cat, helping with English homework, and making vague plans …

Blog tales for the Over 50s with positive ageing, dating & relationships

Planning with teenage son No.46 UPDATE

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Did he have a party while I was away, like I worried HERE? I don’t believe he did. (And there was a small search for evidence, I admit). However, my bedroom door was open (I’d left it closed), and the bed was made (I’d left it stripped to air). Me: So what happened in my room? Him: Nothing Mum I swear! I’d never let anyone in there, that’s gross. But I was really tired from the party the night before at ‘B’s’ house, and I wanted a good sleep, so I got into your bed… I slept so well, and it smelt of you too… It was very cosy. Me *Can’t continue conversation- gone all soft and gooey*