Me: So how’s it going with your new, internet-free phone Honey? My blog readers loved it! They’re very proud of you; we have “Teenage Tuesday” now, so they’re all up to date on you. Him: [*smirks and rolls eyes, but obviously kinda pleased] PAUSE Him: [*staring at me in a way that I know means he’s up to something…] You know Mum, if ever you ‘monetize’ your blog, I want 50%. Oh, and that’s backdated, OK.
Originally posted on Bonnywood Manor:
I’m working on my blog, minding my own business, on a Sunday afternoon. The phone rings. It’s Terry. He’s calling from Odessa, where he and the brother and sister that are still on speaking terms are taking care of family business. There is no telling what this might be about, as those three think dangerously alike and any negative aftermath of their actions is tripled. I answer. He responds. “Hi Sweetie! I love you!” Immediately, with those 5 words, I’m on red alert. I know him. There is going to be an attempt to involve me in something unsavory. I take a deep breath. “So, what are you guys up to?” “Well, we’re here at Lowe’s and Nina and I were looking around at stuff and we were out in the lawn and garden section and Nina found these patio chairs that she really likes but there’s only one and we talked to the guy and he says they won’t be ordering any more ’cause it’s the end of the…
Me: You really need to get a new battery for your smartphone honey, it’s very frustrating not being able to get hold of you sometimes. Him: No Mum. I’ve decided I want to buy a cheap phone without internet facilities; I’m sick of being reachable in so many ways by so many people. And the social media just distracts me. Call me ‘The Backlash’.
Me: What are you going to do when you finish school at 18? Go to university? Or perhaps take a year off and go travelling…? Him: A year?? Mum, I’m taking a decade off!
Remember that blogging expert I had a meeting with a while back? Gave me all those tips and hints HERE? She also suggested I use lots of hashtags around ‘self care’ and ‘positive ageing’, as I’m over 50, and that is apparently the current trend I need to ride. I can do that. I’m definitely a health-orientated person, becoming a vegetarian at 21, and jumping on and off that wagon over the years. As most of you know, I dance, do Pilates, walk, don’t really drink, and love a good night’s sleep more than anything. (Side note: Years ago, in a flash of inspiration, I asked my then-six year old son to describe me in a few words, as I was planning to use them for my first online dating profile on OkCupid… “Health food Drama Queen” didn’t sound as good as I hoped though). Anyway, I’ve relaxed a bit in my old age, and after the stressful challenge of learning all those lines for our show a fortnight ago HERE, but having nailed it HERE, …
Me: Honey, you need to wipe up please. Don’t you have to do chores at Dad’s? Him: Are you kidding me? I have to empty the dishwasher, make my own school lunch, feed the dogs, AND babysit my two brothers; it’s like Boot Camp up there!
The scene: Kitchen, breakfast routine underway before school, radio playing Him [suddenly lunging at radio & turning it up loud]: I love this band! Me [having heard only 2 notes of song]: Who’s this? And how did you know who it was so fast? Him: Because it was the beat that says ‘This is totally this song’.
Me: I’m glad you didn’t have a party while I was away, & you did a great job on leaving the house tidy, but I’m fussy about the kitchen bench tops for a reason, and look, you’ve somehow made a big, permanent stain Him: Oh shit! Sorry Mum. How did I do that? Me: I dunno Sweetie, but that’s why I nag you not to put hot pans straight on the counter. If you were renting this place, you’d get money deducted from your rental bond for that, just so you know… PAUSE Him: Well, when you rent it cheap to me to go live in France or Bali, I’m going to paint it all white, so it doesn’t really matter now does it?
Me: Remember I’m going to Perth for a week’s work tomorrow, which means you can’t stay home here alone, you gotta go back to Dad’s. Him: Mum, I’m nearly 18, I can look after myself… Me: You’re not 18! You only just turned 17; you’re still too young. PAUSE Him: I’m 17 and a half actually. Me: [counting months on my fingers] OK, you’re 17 and 4 months… LONG PAUSE Him: Well, in my mind I’m already 30, so what’s your point Mum?