All posts filed under: humor

Teenage Tuesday: Feedback on new, ‘dumb’ mobile phone

Me: So how’s it going with your new, internet-free phone Honey? My blog readers loved it! They’re very proud of you; we have “Teenage Tuesday” now, so they’re all up to date on you. Him: [*smirks and rolls eyes, but obviously kinda pleased] PAUSE Him: [*staring at me in a way that I know means he’s up to something…] You know Mum, if ever you ‘monetize’ your blog, I want 50%. Oh, and that’s backdated, OK.

Random/reblog Thursdays: Sweet and Lowe’s

Originally posted on Bonnywood Manor:
I’m working on my blog, minding my own business, on a Sunday afternoon. The phone rings. It’s Terry. He’s calling from Odessa, where he and the brother and sister that are still on speaking terms are taking care of family business. There is no telling what this might be about, as those three think dangerously alike and any negative aftermath of their actions is tripled. I answer. He responds. “Hi Sweetie! I love you!” Immediately, with those 5 words, I’m on red alert. I know him. There is going to be an attempt to involve me in something unsavory. I take a deep breath. “So, what are you guys up to?” “Well, we’re here at Lowe’s and Nina and I were looking around at stuff and we were out in the lawn and garden section and Nina found these patio chairs that she really likes but there’s only one and we talked to the guy and he says they won’t be ordering any more ’cause it’s the end of the…

Spectacular self care fail

Remember that blogging expert I had a meeting with a while back? Gave me all those tips and hints HERE? She also suggested I use lots of hashtags around ‘self care’ and ‘positive ageing’, as I’m over 50, and that is apparently the current trend I need to ride. I can do that. I’m definitely a health-orientated person, becoming a vegetarian at 21, and jumping on and off that wagon over the years. As most of you know, I dance, do Pilates, walk, don’t really drink, and love a good night’s sleep more than anything. (Side note: Years ago, in a flash of inspiration, I asked my then-six year old son to describe me in a few words, as I was planning to use them for my first online dating profile on OkCupid… “Health food Drama Queen” didn’t sound as good as I hoped though). Anyway, I’ve relaxed a bit in my old age, and after the stressful challenge of learning all those lines for our show a fortnight ago HERE, but having nailed it HERE, …

Living with teenage son No.6

Him: Mum, can my friend Elly pop over and borrow some muffin tins? She’s made the batter already, and just realised she doesn’t have any. Me: Sure [feeling smug that I’m such a domestic goddess]. But I need them back in a couple of days… ONE MONTH LATER Me: [Texting ’17’ at his Dad’s] Hey where are my muffin tins? Him: Oh yeah. Hang on… [Multiple teenage communication apps launched simultaneously] They’re at her Mum’s. But she’s at her Dad’s. Me: Well I need them back ASAP [Subtext “Before I forget for another month”] Him: Hang on… [Apps flurry & beep]… Can you get them yourself? She won’t be back till after weekend. Me: [*sigh]. Sure. What’s address? And her Mum’s name? We’ve never met. Him: [Flurry & beep] Address is ******. Me: [In Blue]   Me: Wait- so I have to let myself into her Mum’s dark house, ‘cos no one’s home? Him: Yup. Back door always open. It’s cool Mum.   30 MINUTES LATER  

Planning with teenage son: 2nd update

Me: I’m glad you didn’t have a party while I was away, & you did a great job on leaving the house tidy, but I’m fussy about the kitchen bench tops for a reason, and look, you’ve somehow made a big, permanent stain   Him: Oh shit! Sorry Mum. How did I do that? Me: I dunno Sweetie, but that’s why I nag you not to put hot pans straight on the counter. If you were renting this place, you’d get money deducted from your rental bond for that, just so you know… PAUSE Him: Well, when you rent it cheap to me to go live in France or Bali, I’m going to paint it all white, so it doesn’t really matter now does it?  

Blog tales for the Over 50s with positive ageing, dating & relationships

Planning with teenage son No. 46

Me: Remember I’m going to Perth for a week’s work tomorrow, which means you can’t stay home here alone, you gotta go back to Dad’s. Him: Mum, I’m nearly 18, I can look after myself… Me: You’re not 18! You only just turned 17; you’re still too young. PAUSE Him: I’m 17 and a half actually. Me: [counting months on my fingers] OK, you’re 17 and 4 months… LONG PAUSE Him: Well, in my mind I’m already 30, so what’s your point Mum?