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Teenage Tuesday: Being 51 (going on 15), & retiring to bed alone with wet hair

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Me *yawning at 6am: Did I just catch a glimpse of someone utterly dishevelled reflected in the kitchen window?

Me: Yes, you did. It’s me.

Me: But… what the hell happened? I just went to bed peacefully after my bath…

Me: … with wet hair.

Me: Oh yeah, that’s right. Is it bad?

Me: Definitely. Take pictures as evidence for later once you’ve found your glasses and woken up a bit.

Me: Great idea.

#over50style #fashionblogger #bedhair #goodlook @boneAndsilver
#over50style #fashionblogger #bedhair #goodlook @boneAndsilver
#over50style #fashionblogger #bedhair #goodlook @boneAndsilver

 

Swim underwater with Australia’s Tim Winton in movie ‘Breath’

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Watching the surfers and Cardio fitness the fun way on the beach over 50

So grateful to walk early on the beach #selfcare #over50 #wellbeing #australia @boneAndsilver

Two nights ago I submerged myself in a 2-hour film called ‘Breath.’ Based on the novel of the same name by Tim Winton, with his contributions to the screenplay, and voice-over narration, it washed through me so deeply that I didn’t even want to keep talking over coffee afterwards, but went home to float through the ongoing swell of watery images and sensations.

My movie buddy asked me to articulate what I got from it, and I tried to sum it up in 3 main ways:

  • An immersion in the uniquely-Australian, beachside surf culture of the 1970s (which I didn’t live), but which ’17’s’ Dad did, and to an extent ’17’ still does
  • A reflection in the capacity to ‘lose oneself’ in one’s passion, as I feel when I dance, and yet also being more at one with yourself than at any other time. Also, seeing the  stunning natural landscape- it’s set in Western Australia- and hearing the torrential downpours of a typical summer
  • The crafting of the characters, where a simple sentence showed so much of each personality. Or the lack of a sentence, as Australian men do tend towards monosyllabic grunts in times of trouble
Watching the surfers and Cardio fitness the fun way on the beach over 50

So grateful to walk early on the beach #selfcare #over50 #wellbeing #australia @boneAndsilver

It made me want to get surfing lessons. It made me want to ride a dragster bike down a dirt lane without a care in the world. It made me want to rent a beachside shack with a lover, and sit reading beside the fire while it poured with rain outside, then make love under a mosquito net. It made me want to be 15 again. It made me want to smoke a joint and tell tall stories!

But here’s a much more articulate and mature professional review of the book in the New York Times.

Go see it. If you love the beach, surfing, swimming, fishing, nature, the 1970s, Australia, or coming-of-age movies, go see it. If you love Tim Winton, or actor/director Simon Baker, go see it. Dive in, and you’ll come up for air so glad that you did.

‘Breath trailer’

So grateful to walk early on the beach #selfcare #over50 #wellbeing #australia @boneAndsilver
So grateful to walk early on the beach #selfcare #over50 #wellbeing #australia @boneAndsilver

Let me know what you think of it if you go.

Now what’s the best movie you’ve seen lately and why?

In gratitude for the evocative smell of popcorn, G xO

The best boundary for casual online dating over 50? Listening to yourself

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Vintage 3-piece wool suit has me strutting my stuff over 50 online dating

Seems like blondes CAN have more fun #over50 #onlinedating #romance #sexover50 @boneAndsilver

So I’m back out there in the dating world, and quickly connected with someone local. Plus someone in Brisbane. And someone else fairly nearby. Go G! My profile is clear though: with my bruised heart, all I want is casual fun, a bit of exploring and play, and definitely non-monogamy for now.

One person usually rises up above the rest, in terms of attention or connection; messages sometimes fly (or crawl) back and forth, and I totally go with the flow, without too much expectation if possible (the key to online dating in my experience). I like to be spontaneous, so if someone is free on the day (or evening) I am, I’m up for meeting- this is definitely easier when dating women rather than men, when I had to be more safety-conscious.

Now, I’m only 3 months out of a serious, loving and important relationship, thus I need to protect my heart; I don’t want to sit at home grieving any longer, but nor do I want to fall in love or get too involved too soon.

So how do I control that? No sleepovers.

I’m a light sleeper anyway, and now that I’m making my way through the menopause, with occasional warm/hot flushes, and restless nights as I toss and turn, I’ve found that it brings too much intimacy by spending the night.

How did I work that out? Well, by meeting someone lovely, spending several hours talking and walking, then going home to her place for a cuppa, which led to the awkward first kiss and onwards… till I lay awake at midnight thinking ‘F*ck, I have to get out of here! She’s not my ex, and I don’t want to snuggle and wake up soft and sleepy with this stranger, sweet, kind and funny though she is…’

So I did. Which was kinda weird for both of us, stumbling round in the dark, trying to be polite and understanding, without trampling any delicate feelings.

But we’d talked about ‘H’, so it was all very clear, and it felt like the next big challenge I had to meet, post-break-up.

Proud to support the new wave of women in power by online dating over 50

Seems like blondes CAN have more fun #over50 #onlinedating #romance #sexover50 @boneAndsilver

I could have stayed there dozing. I could have suppressed the tears I wanted to shed quietly, as I drove home in the foggy night, realising I’d shifted something profound yet necessary. I could have denied the sadness and relief I was feeling, but then I wouldn’t be being true to myself, and through all this goddamn heartbreak and mourning, that’s all I’m actually trying to do.

I’m too old to be doing anything else now.

It all turned out just fine by the way. I explained the next day, she understood, and we’ve had several more fun and playful dates which have been good for both of us at this time. Online dating isn’t easy, and sometimes it’s incredibly frustrating, as fellow daters can testify, but the opportunity to learn about, and listen to yourself, cannot be underestimated.

In gratitude for heart whispers, softly-listening ears, and the courage to take action, G xO

“Women are going to run the world within 5 years,” she said. Who am I to argue? Amplify Her.

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Proud to support the new wave of women in power

Amplify Her #women #power #feminism #over50 @boneAndsilver

Remember the 5Rhythms dance weekend I went to at the start of May? Two of the other participants were women just turning 30; during a pairs’ exercise with one of them, I expressed my fury at the state of our world, and the dumb old white men who were still in charge and ruining it for all of us, especially the children (obviously I’m not always a light-hearted workshop participant with cold ears).

She just fixed me with a look of complete clarity and certainty, then gave me the title for this blog post.

I stared back at her, faced with the pure strength of her vision, and the commitment to back it up: she was just offered a PhD scholarship on international health issues for women, and recently returned from a year in Cambodia, working with child sex trafficking agencies.

I saw myself in her mirror: an over-50s proud Feminist yes, but a jaded idealist, getting tired and cynical now as the world totters closer to environmental disaster… with Trump pushing the Doomsday Clock up two minutes to midnight.

I stood in the light beam of her fierce, quietly-determined, positive belief, and I shattered. Who am I to deny her that future? Who am I to question her power? No way!

Then last night I went to see electronic dance movie Amplify Her from 2017. Here’s the trailer:

Amplify Her

You gotta click the link. If you’re over 40, male/female/non-specified, and remotely interested in music and/or the future of our world, you really should see the whole film.

Just like social movements such as #metoo, #TIMESUP, #thefutureisfemale, #guncontrol, and #NeverAgain, by those incredible USA teenagers, (none of which I could have predicted emerging when I was 30), there is a HUGE swell of new, female-honouring energy building, and we oldies need to dive deep and saturate ourselves in it, so that we’re not accidentally perpetuating the status quo.

Amplify her poster showing the rise of the female

#AmplifyHer #Canada #EDM #women

This ’emerging cultural renaissance of the feminine’ serves good men who are fighting off toxic masculinity as well of course; I’m not man-bashing; I have a wonderful son, male friends like brothers, and numerous male readers who are sensitive, loving humans. Those old men like Trump though, well, they can shrivel up and die like the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz as far as I’m concerned. I’ve always maintained that Trump must be the final death rattle of the Patriarchy, representing the evil shadow climax of the worst of it, before the dawn of the new… Justin Trudeau, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern… and this earnest, smart, fresh-faced young woman standing in front of me in sweaty dance clothes, claiming her rightful space in the world, and stepping up to change it for the better.

Not to mention the millions dancing up a storm to female electronic music artists (or ‘DJs’, to old people like you & me) such as Blondtron, Wala, Lux Moderna, and AppleCat, who are featured in the movie.

In gratitude and amazement for these youngsters; they really ARE the future, G xO 

‘What are YOU going to do Mum?’

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An empty dish is a sign of a good meal

Nothing like a good dinner to feed a teenager #food #australia #lifewithateenager #over50 @boneAndsilver

My son ’17’ and I just sat down to the yummiest vegetarian nachos I’ve ever made (why was it so good?? I did the same as always)

About halfway through the meal, we were talking about his plans for 2019, once he’s finished school at the end of this year (fingers crossed), when suddenly he asked me what I was going to do?

*gulp

I’ve no idea. Since he was five, and first started at that earnest Steiner kindergarten with the massive tree in the playground, and the cute soft toys with no faces, I’ve been making lunches and healthy snacks, washing uniforms, and cajoling homework demands…

Thirteen years of school-based predictability and rhythm; everything dictated by the calendar of classroom timetables and holidays.

Now the future stretches before me, and while I smile at the prospect of freedom, I’m also swamped with sadness at the end of such comfortable routines, and a mild growing panic at the arrival of the huge unknown.

Why, I could do anything couldn’t I? Anything. Like, move to Sydney or Melbourne, or hell, New York or Bali. I could enrol at university, or take up Buddhist studies. Become a potter, or write a book [for how long have I been saying that??]

I could volunteer abroad, or rent a cheap apartment in Paris, and get a job in a vegan café [OK, that last one appeals quite a lot].

Oh my goodness, what am I going to do? I’ve spent so long coaxing him towards this final year of study and exams, determined to fill him full of fresh water, good meals, and a wide range of future options, that I never truly understood that I too would gain a similar chance for re-invention.

I’m suddenly excited, and slightly fairly terrified.

I guess I had vaguely assumed I would move down to Melbourne to be with my ex ‘H’, so now that I’m on my own, I’m really, literally on my own aren’t I?

What am I going to do? What would you do? Or have you done? Suggestions welcome, as ever…

In gratitude for homemade food, and the hope that our children will always come back for that, no matter where we are living, G xO 

I conquered a big post-break up challenge, and am kinda proud of myself

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A cute derelict cottage on my early morning walk

Not my Airbnb #cottage #Melbourne #grateful

As most of you know, my beloved ex ‘H’ lived in Melbourne, while I’m up near Byron Bay, so regular flights up and down were a strong pattern in our relationship. Since our break up end of Feb, I’ve been slowly but steadily mourning then recovering… and I just survived a huge test: I spent a long weekend in Melbourne with my best friend R, who lives there now.

I will admit, it wasn’t easy. I was almost in tears at the airport before I left, knowing ‘H’ wasn’t going to pick me up. I felt really sad and flat, but of course could express that to R, who understood and reassured me. Thank goodness for wise friends hey?

I had to battle myself almost every hour not to text ‘H’ (we’ve had pretty much no contact since agreeing we were through), and being left alone in my Airbnb was the most dangerous time… but luckily it was a quirky place, so there were a few items to distract me.

Fancy hangers are just not my style over 50 in Australia in my Airbnb

People like these. For real. #hangers #australia #airbnb #over50traveller @boneAndsilver

R and I kept ourselves busy, dancing up a 5Rhythms storm, and I reminded myself to breathe deeply every time I felt the pull to reach out to ‘H’; there were several very good reasons why we decided not to continue our connection, of course, and I just had to calm down my nostalgic, romantic yearnings, I knew that.

It was a tough fight! I wanted to melt into the sweet memory of being ‘in love’, and wallow full of dreamy plans for the future. Remaining in the Now, and truly feeling the reality of the valid choices I’ve made, was not nearly as much fun.

But I did it.

And now I’m back home, with a delighted snoring cat, who apparently missed me so much he needs to sleep on my bed all day just to get over the trauma.

My snoring cat is the best sound and feeling

This creature brightens my world #cat #love #selfcare #gratitude #australia @boneAndsilver

I can feel my heart is a little tender still; but today I’m going to play my essential break up thriving song, and have a dance in the living room… Do you have a favourite tune you could share with me?

Gloria Gaynor

In gratitude for disco, which always makes everything better, and softly snoring cats, G xO 

 

No beanie? No problem!

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Got up super early. Went for a walk. Powered up and down then back up the hill. Felt hot and sweaty apart from my cute little ears. Came back home, realized I’d lost my beanie (woolen hat), and those precious ears were aching… so got creative with my sleep mask:

Am I an idiot? Possibly. But one with warm ears, that’s for sure 😊

Do you think this could catch on? Have I got a viral chance?? And what have you ever adapted to meet an urgent need?

Have a fab weekend everyone, G xO

Hello old friend, Online Dating. You are fun, but you make me cranky too

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For my wellbeing over 50 I'm ready for online dating again

Ready for online dating over 50 #australia #dating #fun #newhaircut @boneAndsilver

So yes, single again, healed again, ready to launch myself into the love trenches once more. I started online dating in 2009/10, and do consider myself a bit of a legend at it.

BUT, and this is a big but, why have other people not gotten better at it over these years?

What’s the matter with people?? Where are the simple manners, the initiative, the actual reading of the profile where it says “Don’t message me if you’re in America”?

*sighs

I guess there’s always new folk finding themselves divorced or lonely, and heading online rather than to the now-defunct singles bar- does anyone over 50 actually go out anymore, cruising clubs?

Anyway, no matter who I’m messaging with, male/female/gender-fluid/non-committal etc, PLEASE follow these 3 simple rules:

  1. Actually read my profile- I spent ages getting it clear, concise, and appealing, plus articulating boundaries: no one from overseas, interstate, or currently looking for a serious monogamous relationship. Also, I don’t love sport, nor eating animals; no need to read between the lines there, JUST READ THE DAMN LINES.
  2. Respond promptly, and in kind– if I swing by a couple of times, and send a polite, friendly, interesting message, don’t wait a week then ask me ‘How ya doin’?’ Also, (and this almost deserves its own bullet point): CHECK YOUR SPELLING.
  3. Be courteous– it’s not that hard to say ‘thanks for your interest but no thanks,’ or after a week or two of messaging to decide that you’re not really feeling it, and to say the same thing, rather than merely disappearing… so childish.

Those of you who are online dating trojans (I’m looking at you Lauren [can’t believe I can’t link to your blog sorry], and Eve of Unleashing the Cougar, plus Dater Analysis) are no doubt utterly sick of experiencing the exact same problems, but I just remembered how annoying they are, so thought I’d add my two cents’ worth of complaining from Australia.

And all you connected/married/cohabiting folks, or happily-single, or just curious bystanders can now shake your wise heads at us foolish, dating demons, but I’m squaring my shoulders and going back into the fray: I will not be defeated. 

Not with this new haircut thanks!

In gratitude for fast keyboard skills, a low tolerance for bad spelling, and a positive attitude, G xO  

Teenage Tuesday: ‘I see you did a Teenage Tuesday post…’

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Me *spluttering defensively: Where did you see that?

Him: It doesn’t matter does it? Fact is, I saw it.

Me *squirming uncomfortably: Yes, but- but- I didn’t write about anything you actually said…

Him *staring at me firmly: True, you didn’t.

Me *blushing guiltily, awaiting my punishment.

Him *after a VERY long pause: It was funny actually. Your writing was good. I enjoyed it. Well done Mum.

 

[The post in question is HERE. ]

 

Happy Birthday Dad, & I still miss you

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The pain of losing your Dad never quite goes away

Honouring the dead is important #over50 #Dad #birthday #departed

It’s my Dad Lawrence’s birthday today– he would have been 83. We lost him suddenly 10 years ago this year.

I miss him so much, & yet he’s still around somehow, which is awesome. I’m deeply grateful for the life I’m living now, which is his legacy to me & his gorgeous grandson, who’s soon to turn 18, OMG!

I’m going to stay home quietly on retreat today, & oil his antique French furniture, the yearly ritual. Tonight, all across the world, his loved ones will be eating Indian food, his fav cuisine.

With love & thanks for all the ongoing support you give me on my journey through this life, in good times & bad, or sad, like today, G xO 

(Photo is of his last live birthday in 2008)